LoMac's Journal

I’m sure it has in part to do with the hormones and “light” anxiety however…so we’re on for RT tomorrow Tuesday at 9:45 am and so I’m assuming the ET will be Friday at about the same time. I ended with E2 2557 so I shouldn’t have to worry about hyper stimulating and about 10 follies 4+ over 18mm. We got through the HSG shot last night with only minor drama, I had had a RN put a mark on me for DH and he then starting questioning the mark because the video had it so much lower, I freaked out started crying and just told him to do what he wanted, after all he has to give it so he had to be comfortable with where ya know. So compared to last time on a scale of 1-10 I’m a 6.5-7 without the Tylenol. I can walk but sitting and laying down ouchy! Then we had a little fight this morning, freaking early, he gets up at 4:30, I had to pee and he just got in the shower and all and didn’t give me a chance to go which meant I was laying awake and cramping up, I can’t pee in front of others even DH I know but…so I think we’re just both a little anxious.

Then Saturday we were over my VBF for dinner and putting her son to bed we were chatting about the cycle and she said she “had a really good feeling about this” when I asked why she response “because we need to be pregnant together” took me a second or two but I caught up. Know if anyone will understand this you ladies will and gratefully she does too. I congratulated and she apologized, we hugged we cried, as James looked at us like we were nutz which well. Then I apologized if I didn’t seem at joyful at last time and assured her I was, didn’t have to say anymore really. I’m ok and want to take it as some sort of sign, but then I was looking for those all weekend, from that to the fact that when we went to church yesterday we ended up and a small service for the deaf I sat there and wondered if that was sign that He was there and listening. Knew what was happening and giving me encouragement. I know I’m not often terribly “religious” and no I don’t “practice” in the traditional way my church would like me to but I’m spiritual and faithful and it has helped me with the whole process as it has in other points in my life. Wear my grandmother’s rosary bracelet during cycles and pray to St Gerard and went to the church I grew up in hoping for a little I don’t even know.

Emotions run high and sometimes, guess they just come out in ways you don’t expect. I guess it’s suffice to say my believes are more important to me then I might think and I’ve always know that they shape the way I try and live. And it’s not the first time I’ve turned to going to church to get some intangible something, funny how it always surprises me though.

Sorry this is long; I didn’t mean to get off on all this. Wish us luck. And I’ll keep you posted.