LoMac's Journal

Feeling a little better today, after having gone home and “explaining” myself to DH, well I tried to be calm while I told him why I was upset with him, then I cursed like a sailor, screamed, cried all while DH sat there listing to me and encouraging me. He just said I need to just get it out, I can only go along “being normal” so long before I have to explode. He knows this is all really hard and apologized for any part he might have taken in getting me so mad, which he did. I had asked him multiple times to get a copy of our policy so I knew what was and was not covered what deduct applied to etc and he still had not. I caught him off guard when I called to once again ask, internally I want to rip his head off and I guess that came through on the phone not that I was trying to hold it in but ya know. I’m getting together with my VBF tonight, so hopefully after that I’ll be back to feeling in control. As for the containing battle DH is taking over, I’ve done it for almost 2 yrs now, it’s his companies insurance and he’s done little to really help sort through. He doesn’t want me to worry and fight with them anymore, he sees how much it takes out of me and understands, most importantly it’s not good for me, especially right now going into another cycle. I told him I felt like it was my job to do it, like I was weak if I can juggle it all, which I got a definitive am I nutz (well yeah but). So first thing this morning he marched to his HR Dept and explained the situation and ask for advice and support, they immediately put a call into their rep at the insurance company to start looking into everything and are scheduling a 2 way conference call between DH, HR and Ins to figure out what’s what and where we go from here. I couldn’t have done that even if I tried so I guess this is all for the best. I must say there’s this part of me that feels guilty, DH makes the lions share of the money that pays for all this, and our bills, that’s’ why I felt like it was my responsibility, my contribution. The sacrifice I make in the physical and emotional stain I guess is more than enough, but I still feel like I should kick up the Domestic Diva, I’m being ridiculous I guess, he could take everything off my plate aside from the actual cycle demands and I’d still be putting in “my share” but just doesn’t feel that way right now. Good grief I’m have ‘superwoman complex’ I need to get past this.

Thank you Ladies SO VERY MUCH for your kind words and support, as usual it a great help. Honestly don’t know what I do without this site.