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dairytech 
11:12pm, March 19, 2009
I havnt posted in quite a while and so much has happened to me. I am divorced now and I took possession of my new home today. I am hoping to move in next weekend if it all goes well. Its still a bit hard living in the same house with my ex husband but I wont have to do it much longer.The hardest part of this whole thing is his cold indifference towards me. He shows little care and much irritation of my existance. What a shame after spending 24 years of my life with this man. This man that I loved for that whole 24 years. I know in my heart I have done all I can do, I have left no rock unturned. I now have to walk away knowing I did my best. I wish only the best for him. I hope he finds that greener grass on the other side of that imaginary fence. Time will tell!
As for me...I am moving on. Although my heart still carries a bit of heaviness...I know Im a strong person and I know I can create a new life for myself. One that is reflective of the love and commitment I hold so dear to my heart. I have overcome some rather large obstacles in the last couple of years...I can overcome this as well. I will be totally honest though....this is probably the largest and most difficult obsacle in my life to date.
I spent my morning getting lumber to finish the white picket fence that was started at my new house. Its going to look so nice when its done...this has to be done before I move in so my dogs have a secure yard. The little buggers will take off if there not fenced in. I found 6 sets of antique clear glass door handles today. I want to put them on all my interiour doors. I think they will look great.
I spent the afternoon washing cupboards at the new house. The fellow that owned it before me lived there for 53 years. He bought it for 300$ Things are pretty dirty so I dont think he cleaned in some time...like 20 years or so..lol...its pretty grimy! I will do a bit each day until I move in. What dosnt get done can be done after I move. I really only need one clean room ...well maybe 3 to be able to move.
Im going to be happy in my new house. Im not going to fool myself though. I do expect to have a hard time when I move. Im going to give myself a month to grieve but then its onward and upward. I dont think I can leave behind 24 years of life without feeing more sadness of that loss. The weird thing about it is...its him that wants this divorce. It was him that wanted it the first time. He moved out the first time and I felt so abandoned. This time I am moving and it feels like Im leaving him although thats not true. Im feeling slightly guilty and at the same time Im feeling slightly empowered. Aarrgg...Ill sort it out in time. Hind sight is so awesome!
Comments
Better now then later. Best to get on with your life now that you are young enough to start over. How much harder it must be for a women in her later years to start over. You will be just fine. Keep your mind on other things besides him.
Good luck.
Marpo
I am very happy for you. It will be tough for awhile as you get used to living on your own again. You must grieve. I know because I am there to. I am in my own home and it has been very tough. I am doing all I can to move upward and onward but I have to admit it is not easy when your the one that is left.
melora
I can well understand all the feelings you are having today, my friend, but the way you have written them out tells me that you have the resolve to work past this last piece of it. You have the rest of your life ahead of you...and I know you will make it the Best of Your Life.
If I might suggest a very good book for you...it's called "The Journey from Abandonment To Healing" by Susan Anderson, Ph.D. You can get it on amazon.com and she has a website called www.abandonmentrecovery.com Both the book and the website were very helpful to me during my Journey and I have recommended this book over and over again to others here on DS. Order it now and make it a little housewarming gift to yourself.
Oh, and if you can get it, buy some TSP (tri-sodium phosphate) and mix it with water when you start washing walls and woodwork before painting in your new house. It cuts grime, smoke residue and just about any other kind of crud really well! I mix in some other kind of all purpose cleaner (no ammonia) that has the loveliest lavender scent!) Try it.
CowgirlKathi
good luck with everything kathy, things will be hard in the beginning but i know you'll be just fine, and once everything is the way you want it with your house, you'll feel even better!!!
mzhoneythang
Big hugs for your new home. It will be tough, so many of us have been there or are there. It will probably take longer than a month, but you will get there.
Just remember, you are now making your new life so imagine what that will be & make it happen.
Hugs hugs
feelingok
You are starting a new chapter in your life. A new home to fix the way you want it.
Yes, my ex is totally indifferent to me too unless he thinks he has something I can do for him. That seems to be a common thing exes do. They try to wipe us completely from their minds while we struggle to move forward with our lives.
I'm almost at the end of my goal to make this farm my home. It's been and will continue to be a lot of hard work. But you will find that it can be exciting too inspite of the reason. You'll be making decisions that are your own and you will know that those decisions are right for you and no one else.
At the end of the day it is nice to come into a home that you have just the way you want it.
trisha9054
Best of luck to you with the new direction your life is taking. Embrace the changes, and be open to new faces and new things. So sorry to hear that you're going through a rough time! Remember that old adage "when one door closes, another one opens"? Just keep that in mind - maybe there are many exciting things to come with the changes in your life journey. Stay strong and know that you have support here!
Take care, Kristina :O)
Kristina333
I am so sorry you are going threw all this Kathy and feeling the way u are.I think u are a very strong preson if you beat GD u can beat anything you will come out the better of this.I wish u all the luck in the world and i hope u will be really happy in your new homexxxx
CLA4SAM
Ive been working my butt off to try and get the house ready for this weekend..Im not sure I am going to make it. Oh well one more week wont hurt I guess.
Its looking very good though. Im getting so excited about my new home. Ive had some neighbors stop by and welcome me to the neighborhood. I feel quite welcomed. They have quite a close knit community going on. They have there own neighborhood watch and they have monthly meetings and weekend barbeque's. The fellow next door to me said...dont worry about your home when your not here...we will keep a watch on it for you...that's soooo awesome! This same person is a contractor so he told me if I need any help just give him a call. The fellow across the street is a plumber and the fellow up the street is an electrician...all have offered there help.Cool eh!
I got the base of my fence done and painted white...I should have it done by the end of tomorrow. My ex is helping me with this...isnt he a nice guy? I do appreciate his help with this. Anyway...thanks for all your support...I love you guys...Big Hugs
dairytech
What a wonderful community! It sounds very friendly, warm, and active! Enjoy your new home.
CHoney
Wonderful things await, my friend!
myjeannie
I wish I had bought shares in TSP before I bought this house...lol...thanks for the tip cowgirlkathi.....
dairytech