hoops's Journal

I don't think I've felt this good for a while, I feel great this morning! I feel this amazing sense of being in control of myself and my life that I don't think I ever remember feeling so keenly before. My time is my own and I can choose to do with it what I think is best. I feel capable of making life decisions without running them past numerous people first.

But the most freeing feeling of all is that I no longer feel like a slave to my negative feelings and hurts that I used to think I had no control over. It's like blinders have come off my eyes. I see that it is O.K. to have negative feelings, O.K. to feel anger and get it out, that getting it out is an essential step to being able to let go of it and forgive.

I'm not all the way there with the forgiveness step yet, but I can see it ahead, I can see how it is possible now. I have new control over how I handle my emotions. I can choose to acknowledge my feelings and move past them, or I can choose to blame someone for them -- wallow in guilt, betrayal, rejection, or victimhood, it is MY decision! My decision whether I want to move through life dealing with things in a healthy way or choose to hold onto hurts and grow bitter.

And I don't have to feel obligated to control the negative emotions of others. What a great burden to have lifted off my shoulders! I feel so much lighter today, the stress and anxiety are just GONE! I so hope I can hold onto this feeling.