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litttlekitty 
5:16pm, September 26, 2008
Hey I has been a long time since I have wrote in this and I have come a long way in the aspect of my treatment. Now, I am seeing a therapist, dietitian and a lady that do another treatment. I felt like that I am going to give up because I am not improving in anything. I know it will be a long way but I am soooo sick of it. Sometimes the more I think of it the more I do it. Also I have gained so much weight . I can not stop B and P all day sometimes. It make me sick of my house because I get scared to come home cause that the place that I do it. I and my boyfriend always argue. I am not sure if we argue because I am in the bad mood due to B and P or if it is I B and P because we argue.
Lately I wish that I lost all my memory and forget that I am bulimia and lived a normal life . I have no idea what a life will be like without vomitin, i definitly need some help from anyone about their recovery. i hate it . i have discovered that one of my boggest stimulies t B and P is when i am on the computer or when i am watching tv or reading. when i do it i go in to this trans mood and forget baout everything around me.
when am i going to stop?
Comments
Not sure you ever totally recover cause we always watch what we eat and are obsessed with our bodies. But you can stop B/P. It will take some seeking deep within your soul and get to the feelings and emotions that need to be felt that you kept bottled up so long. they need to be felt so you can deal with them with healthy behaviors. like writing and/or jounaling actual feelings, such as, anger, sad, hurt, shame, ... then let yourself feel them without B/P. that will give them less power over you. When i think about food, i get busy, physically, doing something, anything, whether it's cleaning or just going for a walk. Try to get out of house if you can. If not, try exercising in your house. Just know that you're not alone in this. I'm here for you
hja