jUdEoUs's Journal

this week has been unusually difficult... especially for joey.  his oma died yesterday and he tore up the front of his car smashing around some off ramp. poor joey... it's unusual i guess... becuase he's always soooo happy alll the time and i guess i just wasnt ready for the role reversal.... i'm also kinda nervous and stressed out about the fact that me grama's funeral is supposed to be next friday.... and i'm sooo unprepared... i dont think i'm ready to see my family and not to mention the everyone else... the abusers and all. i just cant do it... i think i might have to just skip it... it just isnt worth it to me.

i had a good talk with joey just the other night about how i'm more dependant on him emotionally that i ever have been before... because of the loss of my family... andhe responded favorably... i wasnt even aware of it until mike brought it to my attention... i just kept getting angry at him for the way he manged his time and now i see that i was just choosing to be angry rather that address the real issue...

everything is going to be okay.

joeys grama's service is coming up... i think it's the week of our anniversary... i'm kinda sad that we wont be together on our anniversary and even if we are it will be ridden with sadness... we kinda missed valentines day and now our anniversary... not that its imprtance even parallels with the seriousness of losing a loved one in death.

i feel okay though. still amazed and enamoured with the love the "wordly" people showed on my behalf... and i'm reading all the ray franz books i can get my hands on and they are helping me cope with these difficult times... i have found solace in my reading.