jleigh1205's Journal

well, Adam disappeared for about an hour, I guess he found his car, because he didn't have his cell phone before and now he is just answering and hanging up on me.  I'm just glad I know he's somewhere warm.  I don't know what he's going to do.  I'm not even sure I want him to come back.  I feel bad, I feel like I am a disappointment to everyone for telling him to leave.  I wish I could feel OK about letting him go.  My roommates are all trying to pump me up, but Adam has made me not trust anyone, so I can't tell if they are just telling me what I want to hear or if it's the truth.  He has made me so skeptical of everyone!  I think I need some closer tonight, I just either need to be done with him or not.  I wish he would talk to me.  At this point he has shut his phone off and I know he can't get back in to my apartment without me.  What am I supposed to do?  Am I supposed to just try and sleep and pretend my boyfriend is not out driving around an unfamiliar town with no place to go?  Will he sleep in his car, will he hurt himself, will he hurt someone else?  God, I wish he would just chill out and talk to me.  I get it that it's the BP that makes him do this stuff, but I really know I'm not wrong here, I know he just told me what would hurt me, but the person who has told you they love you for two years isn't supposed to hurt you on purpose.  I had trust issues before, this is really going to mess me up.