vdank's Journal

my anxiety level is throguh the roof.. idk why. i hate it, b, you always show up when i least expect you and when i do expect you.. you end up disappointing me like today when you didnt come in ceramics. idk why i felt so disappointed but i did. i shouldnt "sweat the small stuff" so ill try to have it roll of my shoulders. i did see you a bunch today tho whcih was nice why cant we go back to normal i still need to talk to you to tell you whats up. btw you still are the most confusing person i have everrr met. ever.

my dream last night.. was intresting. it was abt bl telling me that b thinks im ugly and how b can do way better than me.. andstuff it was really weird because it felt so real like i actually thought it happened kindof when i woke up this morning it also included bl asking "so why arent you hanging out with b anymore" which is reallly weird because bl did ask me that today.. and i was like uhh waht are you talkingabout andbl was like oh b just said that "you guys shunned him" and i was like wttttttf haha idk you are so weird b. i hope you call me this weeekend so we can hang out i miss hanging out with you and seeing you all the time.

 so g is kinda talking to me again.. ish idk i dont really care that shes out of my life its just annoying that she tells people things such as tl about how i dont like tl and im like wtf. i jsut think tl is kinda annoying and g thinks so too.. so idk what the big deal is

t hasnt talked to me at all this week.. which is different. i dont mind or care really its just different

i cant get b off my mind. i feel that all the things i write on here i wish icould tell people but i canttttttt.. because idk i feel that im a burden or annoying a went off on me when we were talking about g or something and a was like "V dont even" i hate it when a is in a bad mood its so annoying a is just pissd about some guyy or something its like a is always right like a can tell me what im doing wrong and i cant tell a what a is doing wrong.. idk well atleast this weekend i have plans already [: friday with jg and m im so excited ive been wanting ot hang out with them foreverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr so itll be nice to finally hang out! and then sat c and i are gonna have funnnn [; and prob watch pirates bl wants us to call but well.. see .. c and i always have fun c is my bestfriend and i love c even though sometimes c is annoying such as on monday when c was acting liek c didnt know how to spell and like write some story for bible it was quite annoying.. i think c does it for attention someitemes and it annoys me a bit that c never seems liek cs listineing or has soemthing to say but overall i always have a good tiem with c because she always puts a smile on my face

i hope b and i will hang out this weekend or b will call me or something..i cant beelive it has almost been a month since... i miss you b i miss being aroudn you theres a sense of comfort that you give me taht is unparellel to any other. i seriously just wants to lay in your arms or get a hug.. im glad that we are "kinda" friends ahahah i odnt even know. i wish you werent so confusing but i guess ill just have to accept you for the way you are.. it was nice to see you after class and then walking into the mall and at lunch several times [: but it saddened me that you didnt come into ceramics.. whyyyyyyy do you do this to me? i dont get why you dont come in tutorial anymore.. but whatever.. and how can one day you say y ou like me and want to date me and then the nextday.. be like.. no fuck you and not talk to me whatsoever for liek over a week.. we need to talk about it.. we really do.. and stopp putting it off so we can shut the door on "us" forever.. and jsut leave it as friends.. or maybe it will become "us"

so i found out n knows about b and me.. and yah. which is a little weird. and awkward.. idk a whole month and n never said anything about it.. awkwwwwwward.

h and i are talkign more and more and i like it but im kinda scared because how much do i trust h.. remember last year? yes i do..please dont break my trust.. n likes h and h doesnt knwo how h feels about n so yeahhh haha i feel badd.. cuz i feel that i should let n know but i dont want to break my trust with h so ill keep my mouth shut.

tomorrow is a good day. tomorrow is a good day. i trust the process of life. i am open to love. i am open to new friendships. i am open to new things. i forgive you and i release you. i forgive you and i release you i forgive you and release you. i trust the process of life.

i need to learn how to meditate.. maybe tat will help me with my anxiety and stuff? because anxiety is seriously starting to be stiflinggg