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rolex3day 
Surviving with cancer, causes one to either fight or flight. As you know, fight is the usual. Family members, friends, even other cancer victims expect you to fight. Fight this with all your might, so you may survive. And continue in this game of life. Living is something to look forward to...fighting to live.
But how do you turn off the fight? I willingly walk in, hand my arm over for poison pumped into my body to "fight" my cancer. I knowingly allow the nausea and even the vomiting to occur. I allow my body to cease normal functions, like eating, sleeping, even bodily functions. I march into my radiation every day prepared to "fight". I readily give of myself to fighting this disease that has enveloped me.
I pray for others to have understanding, compassion, empathy to understand 'my fight'. I pray others can survive right along side my survival.
But I cannot turn off the fight. I find I am so selfish with myself. I cannot give but only to myself. I haven't the energy to allow anyone to take my essence. I haven't the energy to allow anyone to steal my moments, for I am fighting for my life. My family asked me to fight, and yet no one understands the "fight".
No one understands that many times, I wish my days were finished as soon as I awake. That many days, I wish I did not have to talk, for I haven't a thing to say. That many days, I wish not to even look into the mirror for I do not recognize this person that is starring back at me, like a wild animal in "fight". That many days, I cannot discover love for the basic instinct to "fight" is turned on high. That many days, I do not understand anyone's needs for I am in "fight" mode. Survival for me is a fight, but others must realize my goal.
