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Shrn 
6:20pm Yesterday
Here it is the 9th of October and I'm chosing to dealing with life effectively . Yesterday could have been a down day but I changed it around. Yea! Me! I found myself in the favorite chair with my feet up reading a book that made me cry (always a sign of a good book). I picked myself up, jumped (not literally) in the shower, did my hair, put on makeup and went to visit a friend who recently retired. She used to be a neighbor when we had the house. We sat in the sun on her patio and talked about old times.
A realization hit me when she said I looked tired. It was probably from the book, not my mood. We were talking about being lonely and it ocurred to me that it's very easy to blame every down mood on Don. I'm not saying that missing him isn't a reality but I had down time when Don and I were living our normal life. Emotions fluctuate and after two years I no longer feel the need to blame every 'bad mood' on losing Don. Face facts, I had bad moods when he was alive.
Anyone who reads this please don't think I'm minimumizing the grief process. It's real. It's painful. Loneliness is a large part of grief. But I'm investigating the possibility that every bad time I have doesn't want to be blamed on my dear departed husband. I guess I'm saying, for me it's time to be accountable for my own life and what I do with it. If I chose to sit in my pajamma's for an entire day, it is a choice I own. Yesterday I chose not to and it feels good. Sharon
Comments
Sharon, you have found the light which will help you now find the illumination towards your journey onwards.
Many years ago ( when I had all my hair) I did my Master's Thesis on " Is there life after birth" I kid you not ! I researched the difference and applicability of living vs existing. So many sadly lose their light and become "existers" and with that loss they stop living ! You my dear friend, I believe, and reemerging back into the living lane. Life should be dynamic and interdynamical, not just existence of the same old same old, day in and day out.....
Yes, emotions are just that e+motion. E as I am sure you remember stands for energy. We give those emotions their life and they become so powerful in our lives. You do have the choice how to react and respond when the emotions occurs... Keep the light burning brightly and with proactivity !
In conclusion, there can be life after birth, if we choose to live it...
Your friend
Phil
pgreen
I hear you, Sharon. When my toilet need fixing, or I have a major water leak in the line to my meter, does this really have anything to do with Joe? In reality, I've been making choices and decisions for 15 months without him. Whose choices and decisions are they, really? And yes, there were many times we butted heads, and I felt pissed off and emotionally off balance. I have to remember that. That life happened, when Joe was alive, and it's happening now. And you're right, I'm not negating the grieving process, as I go through it, day by day - but I have to separate what's grieving, and what's life. One more thing - it's been a not-so-comfortable process, especially after one year passed, to.. how to say this..I don't think I ever pulled the widow card, but I felt emotionally a sort of entitlement to the shroud of grief around me. I don't want to do that. I hope I'm explaining myself with some kind of sense - and not to offend!
marjoe
You're so right, Sharon. It took me along time to realize that to some extent my moods and thoughts were down to me. As you say, grief is really painful but the reality is that life always has a mixture of good times, bad times, happy and sad and so on. Happiness isn't that mysterious thing somewhere in the distance that we have to search for, it's lots of little things along the way. Different things now in this "new normal" life but they are there all the same. It's not either happiness or sadness but a mixture of both and it's up to me to manage that as best I can and some days I do it better than others - that's life. Good luck to you and I hope you can keep as positive and optimistic as possible.
pneylan
Hooray for you!!!! That's terrific Sharon! Yes, sometimes we have to "kick ourselves in the ass" to get out there and DO stuff. We do own what we do with our days and and how we handle them. You're right, can't minimize the grief process, but I was thinking about stuff a little while back and at first we are paralyzed by the loss of our loved one, and then when it's time to get on with life (different for all of us, even at different times) we get paralyzed because we don't KNOW how to get back into "life" without our anchors. I hope things continue to move in a positive direction for you and isn't it funny how we have these epiphanies?
FredCM
Sharon. . .I have attributed my downs with the loss of George but lots of times, it is just life. I was down at times even when he was here. I sometimes feel that it is an entitlement. My husband died so I have a right to be sad. But really it is the opposite. . .my husband died and I have a right to be happy. I am glad that you had a wonderful day with your friend. Sometimes when we push ourselves, we have a great time and are glad we did. We are entitled to many joyous days for we have been through alot. Hugs, Shirley
Shurfee
Sharon, I'm so happy you had and good day and a wonderful visit with an old friend. I'm not nearly as far as along as you, but I'm watching your examples and hope that someday I may reach the same points. Live is only what you make it, and it is so hard after the loss of someone who was so important to us, in so many different ways. When you loose a piece of your heart it is so difficult to move forward everyday. Wishing you Peace!
hawg
Yes Sharo that is treu. No fr everything I blame my situation without him. But as you say all those days with him were also full of tension. Still there was hope to reconcile now there is no option that hurts and makes me down.Did you read my journal. perhaps I wrote one. did not it go? Love Mamata
mamata
Hello, Sharon. Everything in life involves making a decision or multiple decisions. Taking action is usually a good thing. Knowing that you have the power to do what you want and make healthy decisions is wonderful. I tend to stay in my "cave" alone most of the time that I am not at work. Often it is because I have a lot of work to do here, but many times I just want to be alone. I find that if I get myself into the shower, make myself somewhat presentable, and go somewhere - it does pick me up. Usually it is just to a restaurant or something very simple.
I am glad you are making good decisions for yourself. As much as we may hate the fact that we are without our spouse, we need to make healthy decisions that move us forward.
Take care,
Suzanne
SuzanneIG