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Shrn 
6:20pm, November 22, 2009
Today has been a very calm and peaceful day. I never got dressed and am sitting in my jammies spending the day on DS chatting with friends and writing posts. Tomarrow is Don's birthday, he would have been 63. I've thought about him all day, but without tears or intense sadness. I miss him still, but can see him celebrating the part of his life spent on earth with me and our family. I truly believe life is bigger than my experience and anticipate having more revealed to me as I strive to life without him. Learning and growing as a wife, mother, and now a widow has taught me many things. As the Bible says the most important is love.
I truly believe more now than ever that the spiritual side of the human existance is far more important than we can ever imagine. We are truly united with each other spiritually and if we open our hearts and minds blessings from heaven overflow in our life.
There was a time I would never have sat in my pajama's all day and if I did I certainly would never tell anyone. I remember getting dressed on a non-work day feverously afraid someone would come to the door and find me not dressed. Now I sit content at 3:30P.M. on a Monday afternoon in peace and the radio plays in the background country music. My dogs are sleeping on the livingroom floor while I lounge in the recliner with a netbook on my lap.
Why do we let so many things control us? Worried about tomarrow. Worried about not being accepted. I spent so much of my life directed by should's and not even my shoulds. My parent's shoulds, my friends shoulds. I even accepted the shoulds of my religion. Should's from man not of God.
Now I am old enough to have the confidence to let go. It wasn't an easy release. I fought every emotion that overtook me. Beating myself up every step of the way. But today, I have released the pressure and I welcome the celebration of my husband's life 63 years ago tomarrow.
Comments
I just hope that someday I can get to that point that you are at this time. I miss Carlos so much that his birthday was so sad for me. I wanted him so much here with me that life does not seem enjoyable anymore. I have questions myself so much and have asked God to please help me make it through everyday. I am so happy for you Sharon and you are right we spend so much time worrying what ifs and shoulds when we should worry about being happy and doing what makes it possible for us. God bless you and lots of hugs. Linda
lindalun
Sharon, I love it, spending all day in your jammies and listening to country music, that is my kind of day. I have done it a few times too. Like you, I think I have spent so much of my life worrying about what I should do or what others think I should be doing, I know that I wasted far to much time doing that. I am working hard at not letting those small things control so much of my life now. Since Lance's death I am looking so much more at the spiritual side and what God's plan is for us. I still feel so connected to Lance, our souls and spirits will be eternally linked. My thoughts are with you as celebrate your husbands life. Such a blessing. Hugs Denise
missulance
Thank you for sharing your pyjama day with us Sharon. I agree with you - love is all that counts - it transcends the material world and death and enables us to know something of the love which awaits us in heaven. I hope that Don's birthday is filled with love for you and with great memories and happy thoughts. I know that he is proud of you and all that you contribute to those who, like me, are just beginning this hard journey without the ones we love.
Lots of hugs
Margaret
adelheid
OOOOH that is so wonderfull!! I to have felt the same pressures...I don't think I have ever set around in my pjs unless I was sick..I might try that some times...Happy Birthday....Don....meet you in heaven someday..Tell Rog hello~~
Glenda
Dear Sharon
I told you on 4th it was my Birth day. I tried hard but each moment I am with his memory.. I have to figt and fight.. I teh afternoon I cried.. missed him.. felt helpless and sad. How can I be like you Sharon? it is a Grace from the God. You git it and I wait to get it. love
mamata
I am so touched both ny your growing "wisdom" expressed here and the outpouring of love and unconditional acceptance. The secret of life is that, there is no secret. To learn how to love and be loved.... You are on that road. It is never too late to reclaim happiness and new-found joy and innocence.
Every day should unfold with it's excitement pertaining of the possibilities it offers us to experience . Keep on keeping on ; ONE DAY AT A TIME. The student will one day become the teacher and what a wonderful teacher you are becoming.
Love and as I always reflect upon, today may be a "birthday" in calendar terms, but every other day of teh year is a "re-birthday" for us. To Don blessings remembers on his birthday; to you happy re-birthday for dreams still to unfold
Phil
pgreen
Sharon - what a cozy picture you painted! I can feel your contentment and I'm happy for where you are. Phil said what I was thinking so eloquently... but I just have to add this. When Joe was diagnosed, my world ended as I knew it. Our world. When I think back on it, I've realized that the lesson (for want of a better word) that I learned, was that life is fleeting. I'm still in my routine, but with a new outlook on what that all means. To let go of control, of needless drama, of negativity..to find contentment in the smallest things, every day. To TRY! You have become a teacher, indeed, and I love you for that. Hugs, Marsha
marjoe
What a wonderful attitude to life. Thank you for sharing this with us. Hugs from Sil
SilFa