Journal

      Here it is the day before Thanksgiving again.  This is my third Thanksgiving without Don and I can see the progress I've made in those three Thanksgiving.  I'm not in tears, crying, and pleading to make this be a nightmare that I can wake up from and find him here with me.  The crying part lasted through the second Thanksgiving also, even though by that time I had no yearning for the nightmare to be over.  I had realized the reality of the situation.  As I remember I spent a lot of the day (2nd year) with my daughter helping do the things we all do to get ready for guests for a holiday meal.  It helped pass the time and kept my mind occupied, at least on the surface.  We never really stop thinking about them, do we?

      Now we come to today, year three of Thanksgivings, and tomarrow is the big day.  I'm not so shallow as to think I have nothing to be thankful for.  I've been very blessed in my life.  Thinking about those good times and wonderful memories are very present with me today.  Listing them in my mind is probably the best mood elevator I've found.  This isn't about that.

      While answering a message from a DS friend I realized exactly what I'm missing. I'm missing things from years ago.   Remembering Thanksgiving at my mom's as a child with the excitement of everyone coming and no cares about what's ready or prepared. 

      Missing the years when the children were small and I was probably in a hectic state.  I never was very good at getting things ready early.  Kind of a last minute hectic person who has everything to do at the last minute.   My home is always tidy yet lived in.  Not ever to be placed in a magazine.   I think what my attitude was like and I would be looking (Not lovingly) at Don who would be sitting in his chair with the TV on.  "Are you going to help me?"  

     "Sure, what do you want me to do?"  would be his response. 

      Like he couldn't see the toys on the floor, the dog hair on the rug that needed to be vacuumed, the turkey on the table, the bowl of dishes I was preparing, the pile of dishes in the sink, or anything else around in the area. 

      Looking back it looks so wonderful.  There is a lesson for me though in all this memory walk into the past.  Appreciate tomarrow for what it is.  There will always be things out of place and nothing will be perfect.  Look at everyperson around your table and be truly thankful for each and everyone of them.   Even the ones not at your table, but definately in your life.  Find the spirit of love in every event of today and tomarrow and cherrish it.  For we never know when it, too, will disappear. 

     Don't waste today wishing for yesterday, for yesterday is gone, but today is beautiful and tomarrow has the promise of life.     Sharon