I had the lithotripsy which was …
I had the lithotripsy which was successful. These kidney stones stink and I think I'd rather pass another 7mm …
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BeckyK 
11:35pm
The meeting with the counselor went good for me, badly for G. He really made a fool out of himself, and just does not get that he is causing this divorce. In the world according to G I am mean, cold, and "emotionally distant" among other things. He just can't live that way. He wants to see a lawyer now, one that is supposed to represent both of our interests and divide up our property etc. I refuse to do that. I want my lawyer there to represent me. He doesn't want the divorce, but he wants to be prepared. He doesn't want to go to August 3 and be surprised.
Anyway, G talked and talked last night trying to get me to say I would postpone the divorce. Trying to get me to say I would work on the marriage. He finally left when I did not say what he wanted.
He makes me feel like I am this terrible awful person, who is hurting him terribly. Like everything he did was my fault. I caused him to treat me the way he did. I know I did not, but still he has a way of making me doubt myself.
After all that he asked me if I wanted him at my surgery. I didn't have the heart to tell him no. Now I hate myself for being so weak. Last night I was feeling that maybe everyone would be better off without me, that I was a terrible person. I am better today, but still feel terrible for tearing this family apart.
I have a meeting with my lawyer tomorrow to discuss what I need to do between now and August 3. Discuss my options as far as possibly delaying the court date if something goes wrong with my surgery. And discuss division of property. My Dad is going to go with me so I will have some support.
I am nervous about my surgery. I know what to expect, I have been there before, but still....
G finally gave me his schedule for the month last night when I turned the computer on for him and insisted he print it out for me. Now I can kinda plan. He is going to switch his schedule around so that he can be here for my surgery. Crap! Why couldn't I just say NO!?
Stupid, stupid, stupid!
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Because, hon, you are trying very hard to break old habits, and that takes time. It is NOT stupid. Just like I called Bo the day of my wreck, it is easy to turn to old patterns when stressed, and there is nothing stupid in that. You are treading new paths here, and there are going to be times when you DO cve under pressure. But those times will get further and further apart with time. Just be patient with yourself.
As for G being there for your surgery, well, simply make sure that your parents are, too. That way, when he pushes your buttons, you will have someone there who truly cares about how you feel, not about their own insecurities.
Let your lawyer do his job, hon. That is the best way to handle all of this. As for your counseling sessions, let G dig his own grave here; the couselor has heard it all before, and will draw his own conclusions. The more G runs his mouth, the deeper the hole he will dig.
LynneC
it's ok. it's only moment in your life. you can tell him "on second thought, i relly don't want you there, don't rearrange your schedule, I have my parents" if it's not too late. Eventhough it's hared, you are doing so well. I am jealous and proud of you. kep taking those most difficult feelings moment by moment.
Tor
These men of ours want their cake and eat it too. They want us to think that they want to be there for us, but their actions say otherwise. They constantly have us in turmoil, and I like you feel weak a lot of the time. Hang in there! It has to get better. Good luck on your surgery!!
coffeelady
you can tell him that you do not want him there. it is not a decision carved in stone. you are doing the right thing by leaving him. you are not tearing this family apart. he did that with his abuse. you did not do anything to make him treat you certain ways, he chose to do that all on his own. now he is just pissed cause you won't take his crap any longer. i am proud of you hun....keep going. and NEVER do anything with him legally without your own lawyer there with you. you are doing the right thing for you and your boys!
bmoney
Stay strong my dear. You are NOT a horrible person! Hugsssssssssssss
ClaudiaD
Ditto
catusannie
I guess you can try and be friends with "G" - maybe explain to him that - the divorce is still going through. My ex & I are friends. I think it could work. Stick to a mantra "I am no longer "in love" with you but I still love you as the Father of my children. Someday soon "G" will accept the fact that the marriage stopped working. Hugs xx
jazzergirl