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Marshmallows23 
Connie asked me over for supper and just as I thought Jim was there too. Yahoo ! We all get along so well together. We had supper and played a game then came home. I'm feeling better right now, but I don't know about tomorrow. We all agreed to give Bill $50 buck for his anniversary, that way, if he bad mouth me, he will be doing the same, to Connie and Jim. If we stick together things will be a lot better. Bill found out that Jim and I were at Lailen's birthday party, because Kellly took a pic of Jim, Lailen and myself, posted it to her Face book. He was pist off and said something to Kristy, she told him to suck it up. Only Kristy would say something like that to Bill and get away with it.
I see my psyciatrist, Dr. Bordoff tomorrow, good thing , I'm going to ask to come back in two week, I won't make a month, especially if I stay the same. If I improve it's a different story, I hope I do. This is my PITTS OF HELL that I refer to from time to time. I just DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING OR ANYBUDDY ! I just feel so devastaed and no purpose for me to live, I DON'T WANT TO DIE EITHER. I took those letters to the cemetery, read them, then burned them, it really does work, to talk to the people you miss so badly.
My New Country radio station has MRN on it on Sundays. It brought back soo many memeories of Dave and I listening to the races in the car, before there was TV coverage. I also saw a racing uniform on a bear that would have fit a stuffed animal we used to take to the races with us. A mascot of sorts. I think that is what might have triggered this episode ! I still just love Dave so much and it's hard when you want to feel loved and no one around to make you feel that way. I look at his picture all the time and wish he was still here. I know life has to go on. It's only been 4 years and it seems like he's been gone for eternity.
I should go to be now, have to be up early for my volunteer work. I had a big melt down this yesturday but, I talked to my boss Kelly and she help me out, just to know that she cares about me, helped. We talked for about 20 minutes. Today should be a busy day, Dr. Adams Clinic is always really busy. I have to get weighed today too, don't want to but, have to face the music. See you later.
~ HUGS ~
