Journal

okay, got a diagnosis about this time last year i guess..knew i had ms without a doubt...just needed a dammed doctor to agree so i could start drug treatment. found I was absolutly unable to work anymore...hard to work when you have to sleep every couple of hours, not to mention the 3 fleights of stairs to climb...yeah right thats happening. long battle unsued with insurance company but I'm now on disibility with full benefits...well mostly. started on copaxone...was on it for almost a year...kept getting worse but slowly...had a severe reaction to it could'nt breath for about an hour...turned blue...lottsa fun shit..quit taking that...no kidding. started on betaserone about a month ago...easier to shoot, no pain, no lumps. copaxone is sort of like shooting battery acid but had good benefits. after stopping copaxone i wondered if i would stay on my feet for much longer, my walking degraded fast and badly. can't feel my feet or hands much anymore. my right leg is pretty much non-funtional, and i can't type worth a shit in case you hadn't noticed. still waiting to see if betaserone will be of any benefit. tysabri is my next option...my neuro said it is the one option left when you are pretty much fucked. works well but with really big risks...death being the primary one. aw well, we are living at "the cottage" which with the addition of a furnace, heated water supply, additional insulation, automatic generator system...you would not believe how often the power fails here in winter, for long periods of time and a handicapped retrofitted john, its no longer a "cottage" but our home. oh yeah had a garage built too. not to mention the mortgage to do all this...stilll a hell of a lot cheaper than any previouse mortgage i've had. the views not half bad either inside or out. life is pretty dammed good aside from the lack of energy and inability to walk.

Well wadya know...after 2 years of fighting with the health care system I FINALLY got a dammed diagnosis. MS....big bloody surprise! My lame neuro finally saw enough evidence to make a diagnosis, crap, a first year med student could have made that diagnosis two months ago at least. Oh well, at least now I can get concessions at work, I will be cutting my hours down right away and I have an appointment coming with an MS clinic and specialist who will hopefully give me the green light to retire on disability. I will be starting on copaxone shortly so hopefully it doesn't kick my ass too badly and I'm able to take it. My drug plan fortunately covers all but a hundred bucks of the cost per month. Sooo, I'm official, a diagnosed member of a crappy club to belong to (lol). If I sound upbeat I am, I knew I had it but just needed some dumbass doctor to confirm it and put it on paper so I could actually maybe do something about it!

Wow, what a ride the last few months have been! For those of you who have offered support I thank you from the bottom of my heart. For those of you who may want to be judgemental, first of all find out all the facts then, well, be carefull, you may also find yourself in places you didn't expect to be at some time in your life. A year ago if someone had told me I would meet the love of my life online, leave an unhappy situation and get married, I would have told them they were nuts. If they had told me I would actually be really really happy, I probably would have said yeah right, quite jerking me around. Well hell, it did happen, I am married to the most loving wonderfull man and I am really really happy! I am loved and supported unconditionally. We have one hell of a love story to tell and will sit down and write it together in the near future.