trying
November 11, 2008 4:58pm
well what has been going on
nothings right im torn.
i put on the song torn to type my journal and i put a smile on my face and i suddenly …
LILSTEPH
4:52pm, November 11, 2008
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About Me
LILSTEPH
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About Me
About me...Well before I had lost alot of interest in the things that made my life what it was...PERFECTLY UNPERFECT. I was sad just out of jail again and suffered a miscarriage at 6 months along, while my husband was in jail too. So I went through all this alone but I have to say it broke me many times made me fall flat on my face, but like always I have gotten back up on my feet. This time this pick up is better. My husband will be comming home sometime this month, I am at a healthy weight and I have stop the things in my life I shouldn't of been doing. Once again my life is PERFEFCTLY...UNPERFECT.
About me...Well before I had lost alot of interest in the things that made my life what it was...PERFECTLY UNPERFECT. I was sad just out of jail again and suffered a miscarriage at 6 months along, while my husband was in jail too. So I went through all this alone but I have to say it broke me many times made me fall flat on my face, but like always I have gotten back up on my feet. This time this pick up is better. My husband will be comming home sometime this month, I am at a healthy weight and
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Interests
Well once again I am enjoying being alive. I wake up put on my music as loud as I can sing on the top of my lungs...which I do VERY well and clean and feed all my animals clean the house and get my work done. Again my life is satisfied with the positive things in life.
Well once again I am enjoying being alive. I wake up put on my music as loud as I can sing on the top
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Recent Activity
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Journal
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you have finally killed me
September 16, 2008 4:17pm
im dying inside
your words are the reason why
every bit a knife in my heart
my brain
my spine
it just pressures me
i tell myself everything will be …
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happiness isnt a state of mind for me anymore its just me flexing a muscle
August 11, 2008 11:36pm
well what can i say i need to start writting my thoughts again. keeping things bottled up these past couple months has been pretty hard and i lashed …
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lost
August 10, 2008 10:34pm
times are ticking down
time to when your home is soon
the closer it gets
that more i freak
3 years of pain
of loniess
i want to be alone
with all …
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another suicide attempt
August 10, 2008 10:02pm
well i have been gone for a while...trying to survive. on the 12 of july i slit both wrist and the found me unconcious on the bathroom floor i wish i …
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Hugbook
Little Love
HEY!!! How are you? I'm sorry I haven't gotten to you quicker its been a while since I've been on, just started back up a few weeks ago! Let me know how you are!! xox Sarita
Hug
Kiss
looks like you need one sorry for your loss and that you had to do it alone
Hug
have a blessed day! love and peace, laura
Hug
sending a hug back i moved to sc now to live been a long time being here,thank you that thought is true.
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Photos
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Support Groups
Close Bipolar Disorder
IVE BEEN DEALING WITH A DAY IN DAY OUT BATTLE OF MY MIND...AT FIRST THEY THOUGHT MY TEACHERS SAID THEY JUST THOUGHT I WAS REALLY EMOTIONALLY STARTED SEEING SOMEONE AT AGE 8 MANY MEDICATIONS AND 4 FAILED SUICIDE ATTEMPTS LATER IM STILL HERE...FUNNY THEY ALWAYS SAY MY ATTEMPTS ARE SIDE EFFECTS OF MY MEDICATION...FIRST ONE AT 15...I DUNNO IS THAT HOW IT WORKS PAST FEW DAYS IVE FELT REALLY ALONE AM UP ALL NIGHT AND DAY IN AN INNER BATTLE WITH NO ONE TO EXPLAIN TO....YEAH ONLY 21.
Treatments
- Abilify Not Working
- Equetro Not Working
- Fish Oil Not Working
- Group Therapy Not Working
- Lamictal Not Working
- Effexor Not Working
- THEY SAID I WAS TO YOUNG TO BE PUT ON IT AND AS A SIDE EFFECT I TRIED TO KILL MYSELF!!!!! NOT FOR TEENS ATLEAST I WAS 15 AT THE TIME
- Crying Working / Worked
- Lamictal Not Working
- well i just got this today and so will see im going to take the first dose well see. it didnt work before and its not working now it has me more depressed than ever
Close Anxiety
I HAVE MANY DAYS THE RANGE FROM BAD UGLY UGLIER AND SCARY I HAVE A HIGH TOLERENCE AND HAVE BEEN RYING TO FIND THE RIGHTS MEDS SINCE I WAS ABBOUT 8 YEARS OLD WHEN I STARTED SEEING AND PHYSC.
Treatments
- Atarax Not Working
- BuSpar Not Working
- Lexapro Not Working
- Patience Too Soon to Tell
- WELL IM STILL HERE SO ITS WORKING SO FAR......
- Crying Working / Worked
- Xanax Working / Worked
- this works well for me but i take 2mg and usually i have to take two of them ive been taking them for a longtime and my body is at a point where it needs them.
Open Depression - Teen
Treatments
Open Self-Injury
well i started cutting since i was about 12 to say i think the pain just reminds me everyday....and now i have scars as constain reminders of how easlier i can take the pain away. well i did it and i shouldnt of its just i have to much pain inside i have to let it out only person i have to let it out on is me so now as i type im looking at my arm and wondering if theyllstay as scars i have to start putting coco butter i have to many scars...too many memories
Treatments
- Crying Working / Worked
- crying seems to be one of the only things that makes me feel better only because it puts me to sleep.
- Positive Thinking Not Working
- everytime i try to have a good attitude about something everything else goes wrong it seems like noothing can go right for me so i might as well have a bad attitude.
Open Families of Prisoners
well its been a few months sincec i got out my husband is still there their current offer is probably going to be 50 months which if that happens i will die.
Treatments
Open Schizophrenia
well about 2 yrs ago they told me im bi-polar and schizo which i could of told them that when they told me i was bi polar i think it was pretty clear then. whatever past yr has been pretty bad and the voices tell me to things to harm myself so i try and not listen to them but day by day with no one to talk to im starting to listen they told me to cut so i cut.
Treatments
- Abilify Not Working
- i took this for quite a while and it didnt help just made me feel like the walls were closing in on me made me feel more crazy
- Risperdal Not Working
- made me feel like i couldnt breath the voices in my head just keep sounding louder and louderso i just stopped.
- Zyprexa Not Working
- i thought about this one for a while before i let them up me on it i felt no difference and it made me vomit alot so i said forget that.
- Crying Working / Worked
- crying to me works for everything cause i finally get to sleep
Open Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS)
ummm well i think i may be able to add this to my list of problems i waiting for my doctors office to get back from lunch so i can make an appt. my mom told me she has this and 9i think i have it bad....
Treatments
- Aciphex Working / Worked
- they put me on this for now while they run my blood i go back wednesday so then hell know what togive me for now its helping
Open Anger Management
IVE BEEN A VERY ANGRY PERSON FOR AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER IVE ALWAYS BEEN ON MEDS FOR IT AND IT NEVER HELPED IT ALWAYS GETS BLAMED ON MY BI-POLAR YOU GUYS KNOW HOW THAT GOES I GOT ARRESTED THE FIRST TIME AT 12 FOR FIGHTING AND SEND THE ERSON TO THE HOSPITAL SO ITS PRETTY BAD.
Treatments
- Lamictal Too Soon to Tell
- MY DOCTOR GAVE ME THIS FOR MY "MOOD" WHATEVER I HAVENT NOTICED ANYTHING YET AND ON WEDNESDAY ILL BE LETTING HIMKNOW
- Writing Working / Worked
- i think this is what is really helping me getting all my feelings on paper without holding back and without judgment. no one cares how fucked up i am and these meds suck
- Writing Working / Worked
Open Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) Depressionwell ive been depressed and bi=polar since i was about depression runs in my family i think everyone on my moms side have major depression.
Treatments
Open Restless Legs Syndrome
ive been having problems with both my legs tingling and just throbbing pain that i have to sleep with them elvated and in a certsin postion. i thought it was my weight gain.....any of u agree?
Treatments
- Enfuvirtide Working / Worked
- im going to mention this to my doctor wednesday.
Open Stress Management
stress welllets see my husband is in jail im in my house with my drunk father n law. he stopped drinking in january made a promise to god and all that and now hes drinking again. my family doesnt know how to handle my sickness even though ive been this way since i was 8.
Treatments
- Anger Management Not Working
- Seroquel Not Working
