foal's Journal

Well its June already. I was feeling better for a short time but i really didnt feel myself at all.

I dont know what to do with myself. I hate myself so much.

I feel asif nobody likes me and just puts up with me. I feel like i have no real friends anymore and everyones off and busy living their exciting lives. 

Ive been trying to diet but i cant shift the weight at all. Im really struggling, im 10stone. :( 

I feel so unattractive and ugly. My confidence has all dissapeared, not that i had alot to start with.

I feel like a bad person.

Ive been noticing this past year ive been having trouble talking infrount of people when having normal conversations. I get all my words mixed up and forget what im saying i forget words. I feel so nervous. I feel like people are always bored of me :(

Things arnt going well with my boyfriend nick. We have had so much stress put on us recently. Hes having trouble buying and selling a new car, his brother has been in hospital having a major spine opperation, and we found out recently we have to move house again. Ive taken all this stess into account.

But the way he speaks to me is horrible. he constantly shouts at me, swears at me and calls me names. When i cry he just tells me to shutup.

I tried telling him the other day how upset i am with this situation. Hes not the guy i fell inlove with. I love him but i dont feel inlove with him anymore. Because ive cried so much about it now he doesnt take me seriously. Ireally feel like id be happier living on my own but i dont know if i would beable to cope.

My whole life feels like a mess.

I need a new job but i cant get one because there isnt any. :(

Im in so much debt im really struggling.

 Also a very close friend of mine is moving from england back to america. Shes got far bigger problems than me to deal with i feel so selfish for complaining about mine.

When she goes im going to have no one to talk to. 

all i want to do is stay at home in bed andcry everyday.

:(:( help.