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grannie354 
Oh my goodness, it is December 15th and we had a family gathering.......boy did I eat, so much that I felt another bite would make me vomit.......that grossed me out and made me realize how little contol I do have over food.....it just kept going in bite after bite and I hated myself after eating. Now I feel like a beached whale who can't even sit up straight of bend over....yug.....
Now I have just reaffirmed that I need the surgery.....it has been so long since wondering if I was making a mistake and now I know that the surgery is the only way for me.....please help me to remeber what it was like to feel this way so it won't happen again..
Wonder how many other people feel this way.
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I am not looking forward to seeing the surgeon today. I know I have gained some of my weight back. He always says it is okay but I know that it is not. I have only lost 40 pounds since April and am afraid that my stomach has stretched - I can eat almost anything and almost any amount. Some days I can eat too much and other days, it is a fair amount. The more protein I eat, the more gas I have. I am feeling like my pants are getting larger. I have gone back to ordering the 18/20 clothes because the 16's are too small. I feel like one big failure at this process and don't know what to do about it.
I guess going to the gym must be the key because I have not been there for a month, so much for my illnesses being upon me for 3 months. Somehow I wish I could have the lapband to help make my stomach smaller so I could control how much I could eat. Food tastes soooo much better. I worry about how much I can eat. Seems like some old patterns are coming back. I can eat chocolate now and it does not do much except for make me sweat - the same with 1/2 caffeine coffee. I am supposed to drink decaffinated but it does the same for me - as in the gas - that it doesn't seem to make a difference.
When I get this all figured out, I will be happy, happy to lose more weight. I know this is a tool but not sure how to use it since nothing seems to work.
grannie354
I am past a year from my surgery and haven't lost any more weight....I wonder when it will sink that I must decrease the food and sugars. I know that sugar and caffeine give me gas but it doesn't seem to stop me from eating them....I need to find another way to deal with those thoughts that pop up in my head...fight them down and get a handle on this. find out another way to handle this in the evening....especially when mom goes to bed and I am 'sneaking' foods again....that is old behavior.......I will try to have the green tea in the evening and see if that helps....
Keep up with the Devron, seems to be helping the bad gas...it doesn't take away the gas, just helps with the smell...was good advice when was told by someone online about how to take it....makes a big difference and am sure those I work with appreciate it....
Well, I will keep plugging away, someday hoping this will all get real for me and I will take losing weight seriously. No magic cure - no magic happening.
grannie354