Journal

I am not looking forward to seeing the surgeon today. I know I have gained some of my weight back. He always says it is okay but I know that it is not. I have only lost 40 pounds since April and am afraid that my stomach has stretched - I can eat almost anything and almost any amount. Some days I can eat too much and other days, it is a fair amount. The more protein I eat, the more gas I have. I am feeling like my pants are getting larger. I have gone back to ordering the 18/20 clothes because the 16's are too small. I feel like one big failure at this process and don't know what to do about it.

I guess going to the gym must be the key because I have not been there for a month, so much for my illnesses being upon me for 3 months. Somehow I wish I could have the lapband to help make my stomach smaller so I could control how much I could eat. Food tastes soooo much better. I worry about how much I can eat. Seems like some old patterns are coming back. I can eat chocolate now and it does not do much except for make me sweat - the same with 1/2 caffeine coffee. I am supposed to drink decaffinated but it does the same for me - as in the gas - that it doesn't seem to make a difference.

When I get this all figured out, I will be happy, happy to lose more weight. I know this is a tool but not sure how to use it since nothing seems to work.

I am past a year from my surgery and haven't lost any more weight....I wonder when it will sink that I must decrease the food and sugars. I know that sugar and caffeine give me gas but it doesn't seem to stop me from eating them....I need to find another way to deal with those thoughts that pop up in my head...fight them down and get a handle on this. find out another way to handle this in the evening....especially when mom goes to bed and I am 'sneaking' foods again....that is old behavior.......I will try to have the green tea in the evening and see if that helps....

Keep up with the Devron, seems to be helping the bad gas...it doesn't take away the gas, just helps with the smell...was good advice when was told by someone online about how to take it....makes a big difference and am sure those I work with appreciate it....

Well, I will keep plugging away, someday hoping this will all get real for me and I will take losing weight seriously. No magic cure - no magic happening.

I have received some positive feedback from this site and it has helped me tremendously to know that there are people out there who know just exactly what I am saying and know how I feel. Thank God I found these people !

Today is turkey day, 2007. I ate too much but ate less than I usually do. It was a good day, but couldn't keep away from the sweets. Hopefully, I will get back into the swing of things. Anxiously waiting for surgery, hope this will help my sweet tooth problem.

Well, yesterday was my last appointment with the nutritionist. She won't see me again until just before my surgery, 1 month to go. I am now getting a little anxious in wondering if this is going to work for me. I keep gaining weight even though I am on Weight Watchers. The date is getting close, now within my reach, I am wondering if my eating habits will be okay. Will be able to do what I am supposed to. Will I be able to eat such a little amount and get all of my fluids in. Just knowing that we are reaching the date of my 6 months, I am seeing the end of the tunnel.