I've had depression most of my …
I've had depression most of my life with panic/anxiety disorder. I've seemed to have hit a new low. I say that because …
Join Now
trgrl99 
5:17am, May 16, 2009
Hi, I blew it, I worked all day long on the right thing to say, to my best guy friend, (who has been a totally awesome influence and support thru all the bf suicide attempt stuff) about him getting back together with his exwife. And instead of H.A.L.T.ing myself before I wrote it( a txt message) ,with like no sleep and hardly any food and working like a dog for 10 hrs. I wrote a message that meant well but was worded in a way that was percieved as hurtful. I am devastated by my own stupidity. I could have just said hi how r u? I was so lame, retrospect suks, He seems to hate me now. or maybe it was his (ex)wife was writing the mean txts, when I apologized.He says he is frustrated with me but I am feeling like I can never make it up to him. I dont know ,all I know is I had a stress related like crush on him, (and he on me) and now it is gone. I think that is good cuz it was very distracting, fun but keeping me from self work that I needed to be doing. Now all I want to do is cry and withdraw ,not nessacarily in that order. I am so fucking overwhelmed by My boyfriend's (I guess he still is) suicide attempt. He caught himself on fire. I am so scared to tell him I need to not be with him cuz, it could make him worse and he is just starting to get better after 2 months in a chemically induced coma. But I cant trust him anymore, he could of killed us all if his roommate hadnt been there to put him out, it could'vr caught house on fire ,and I already have serious abandonment issues with men and he goes and leaves (tried to ) in the most evil way it's making me feel like a horrible person. Like everything is my fault, I hate second guessing myself. It's freaking insanity.I dont want to care about anything anymore. I am finally actually tearing up a little in the last 2 days , I have'nt cried at all since the accident, it is all stuck. I hate the way I feel and feel nearly powerless to stop it. I should be going thru the bedtime motions and going to bed. But I cant get it together. I got 1 hour of sleep last nite from the same thing. stressing out. I just want to be safe and be taken care of, for once, instead of me taking care of everyone. i spread myself too thin and now I'm useless. I hate it.Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
You might also like ...
uhhh...yeah... well, first time …
uhhh...yeah... well, first time here, i don't really know what to expect. i'm just looking for someone to hear what i'm …
just talked to somebody, actually …
just talked to somebody, actually it the first person i talked to today that didnt say i was "bringin them down" that …
