Journal

I haven't really journalled about my back in quite a long time.  That is actually an indication that things are improving.  I can say with certainty that my ongoing nerve pain is considerably less than last year at this time.  I am nearly pain free in my left foot, and the pain in my right foot is less frequent and less severe than before.  That being said, i do still have considerable difficulty sitting in the same position for long periods.  That is still the trigger for the tailbone pain and subsequent nerve pain in my foot.

I must say that I am encouraged, however, that I see any improvement at all.  I had almost accepted this as a permanent situation.  I am documenting this now so I can look back and remember these words on the bad days.  I do have hope that the improvements will continue, but am amazed at how slow the progress is.  If I reach the point where the nerve pain in my right foot disappears, that would be great.  Although, honestly, the pain in my rear from sitting is more of an issue to me right now than the nerve pain.  I don't really see that going away, but I still do hope for it.

I noticed that the improvements began in the Fall when the humidity started to subside.  It will be interesting to see what happens in the Spring when it returns.  It very well may be a coincidence, but weather does play such a major role when it comes to pain and inflammation.  So, for now I just watch and wait as I have been doing since my surgery.  It has been a year and a half, so I know there will come a point where there is no further improvement.  Every day I hope I have not yet reached that point.

I think the best news for me right now is that mentally and emotionally I am strong.  For the first 6-9 months following my surgery I struggled with depression.  At times it was severe, but I continued to fight it.  Clearly it was directly tied to my physical condition (pain level) and the fear that I would never recover.  I was dreading this Winter since I usually am a bit down during this time of the year anyhow.  I am very happy to report that I have been stable and strong to this point.

All in all, things are alright.  I still have bad days, but the good days outweigh the bad now.  Often times the bad days are self-induced, too, since I am certainly one to push myself and then I must pay the price.  I can't leave the power tools in the garage collecting dust now, can I?  I must find projects to keep me busy or I am not really living...

Last night we noticed that Bailey was having difficulty urinating.  Only a little comes out and he keeps trying and trying.  A couple time he was crying and yelping in pain.  I just took him to the vet first thing this morning and they are keeping him for a few hours.  They gave him a sedative and will take x-rays and a urine sample (by catheter, I assume?)  It could be kidney stones.  I am hoping it's only a bladder or kidney infection.  I am very worried.  It breaks my heart to see him in pain like that.  I absolutely hate leaving him there...it is the hardest thing to walk away and drive home without him.  My other two dogs can't figure out where he is...

If it is kidney stones, he could need surgery.  that scares the hell out of me.  Plus it's probably very expensive and I don't know what to do.  I am keeping my fingers crossed.