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mhodges31 
8:34pm, July 10, 2008
Well I finally have access to the Internet again. I did so well in late July and early August. I was a completely different person. My doctor had put me on Cymbalta and Invega. My phobias were almost gone. I was happy and no longer snapping at people all the time. Then on August 31st I lost my insurance so I am back to being distraught and anxiety riddled although my phobias have gotten a little better. I did relapse at the beginning of September. I am trying to finish the pills myself instead of going to the Methadone clinic again. I hated going to that place. It was like Hell on Earth having to be there at 6 am and then standing in line for medicine for 2 hours. There just has to be an easier way. So I am down to about 2 pills a day but I want it to be zero. I have gotten into some legal trouble indirectly related to my pill usage but I am hopefully getting that resolved as well.
Well, Mark's kids are over this weekend. Probably not the best time for them to be here considering I am totally losing it. I am just so freaking agitated that I can't stand to do anything. I can't read a book for more than 10 minutes before getting tired of reading and that is so not like me. I've tried to do my school work although unsuccessfully. I did get one chapter done so I guess that accomplishes something. I am just afraid that I am going to keep getting worse and I am not going to make it through the last 2 weeks of school. I just found out today that my tire's need replaced so of course I am freaked out about that. I just keep thinking what if something happens before I can get the tires on? It just freaks me out really bad. I let the girls out for 10 minutes and they started throwing sand (from the sand table) into the water on the other side so I made them come in. I don't know if I was overreacting or if I was right but I just don't know.
UPDATED GOALS
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Well, like a dummy I got kicked out of my doctor's office. I missed 2 appointments and they kicked me out. I guess it doesn't matter that one of my problems is that I get too depressed sometimes to make it or I just don't care. This of course comes when I am out of my meds. So I haven't had anything for about 3 weeks now and I am about to pull my hair out and run up the walls as well. I did get in with another doctor but it isn't until July 25th and even then how do I know they will give me the right meds that I need? I am just staying so agitated and frustrated about everything. I also just don't care about anything either. I had a test today that I did not study for (because I didn't feel like it). I can't keep on like this or I am going to fail my summer classes. My mom doesn't understand why when we talk I am so short with her but I just don't feel like talking. I have no clue how I am going to make it that long.
Comments
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Ok, I see what you're going through. It is very serious when you stop those kinds of meds all of a sudden, and it sounds like you're feeling the effects of it. I'm very sorry you're having to go through this hon. It sure isn't fun to feel that way.
I do want to encourage you to mark it in your calendar when you're meds need to be refilled. It's very important that you don't stop them so suddenly.
Try to hang in there hon, see maybe you can see someone from a different office or something.
Know I'm here for you.
warm hugs hon.
Past Entries
| June 2008 |
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Saturday, 6/14
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Thursday, 6/12
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Wednesday, 6/04
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April 2008 |
Monday, 4/28
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Wednesday, 4/23
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Thursday, 4/17
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Thursday, 4/10
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Saturday, 4/05
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Thursday, 4/03
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March 2008 |
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Monday, 3/31
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Friday, 3/28
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Wednesday, 3/26
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Saturday, 3/22
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Wednesday, 3/19
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Monday, 3/17
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Sunday, 3/16
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February 2008 |
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Saturday, 2/09
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Tuesday, 2/05
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December 2007 |
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Thursday, 12/06
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Sunday, 12/02
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Saturday, 12/01
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November 2007 |
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Thursday, 11/29
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Tuesday, 11/27
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Monday, 11/26
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Friday, 11/23
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Wednesday, 11/21
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Tuesday, 11/20
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Goal Updated
Hey there my beautiful friend. I know it has to be so hard to go through what you're dealing with. I am telling you that YOU CAN DO THIS!! And nothing is going to stop you, hear me?!?!?! You've come such a long ways; don't let some girl or your husband get on your nerves. It's not worth it. Concentrate on your self sweetheart. You've got so much on your plate. Take a deep breath and tell your self that you can do this and nothing is going to stop you.
love you hon, and you take care.
hugs
skj