We're on Facebook!
Check out our page!
DS Store is Open
DS t-shirts and more
Advertisement

BeautyFromAshes
Female, 25, WI
"Suicidal Thoughts are back. It just seems like I'm never going to truly be free."
4:15am, October 2, 2008

  • About Me

    Image of BeautyFromAshes

    BeautyFromAshes

    Female, 25
    WI, USA
    Member since November 19, 2007

    • About Me

      www.myspace.com/suicidepreventionwi

      www.myspace.com/suicidepreventionwi

  • Journal

    • I gained it... good or bad? Not sure

      Mood October 2, 2008 4:17am

    • Walk

      Mood April 7, 2008 8:53pm

      Went on a walk with Brian along the river in DePere for 2 hours :)

    • Scarlet Tears

      Mood April 6, 2008 2:41am

      The Beauty Queen -- Ms. Popular All the girls want to be her She fakes a smile so you can't tell At home her life's a living Hell The …

    • Journal Entry for November 22, 2007

      Mood November 22, 2007 3:30pm

      Thanksgiving... Sad

       My soon to be ex husband is not only in Iraq, but also not talking to me anymore. Offering no explanations to me "I …

    • Journal Entry for November 20, 2007

      Mood November 20, 2007 6:19pm

      My Marriage is Over

      4:26 PM me: hey 4:27 PM Jeremy: hey 4:29 PM me: you never responded to my last email, unless you're just …

    Read Journal

  • Hugbook

    Give BeautyFromAshes a hug



    • Hug

      From caspermonster January 8, 2008

      I hope you come on to get this....cause I love you, and I want you to know that.

    • Hug

      From caspermonster January 4, 2008

      Don't forget how beautiful you are. Your personality, your outward beauty...everything that radiates from you is beautiful. We love you...hope you're alright.

    • Hug

      From caspermonster December 26, 2007

      Don't forget...even in a world of pain...you can be victorious over that. You are strong, beautiful and a special treasure to many. Take care hun.

    • Present

      From caspermonster December 21, 2007

      You are a present to us...I hope you never forget that. We'd miss you if you did forget that. Hope you're doing alright. wE care for you.

    • Prayer

      From caspermonster December 17, 2007

      Don't forget...the smallest voice can also be the loudest. *hugs* So don't forget to use yours every not and then.

    Read Hugbook

  • Photos

    BeautyFromAshes hasn’t uploaded any photos yet

  • Goals

    Gain 20 (healthy) pounds

    Progress

    80 %

    Goal End Date is Oct 6, 08 417 days ago.
    Current Weight (Lbs)
    130
    Body Mass Index (BMI)
    19.5
    Intake (Meals)
    2

  • Support Groups

    • Close Depression
      Type: Clinical (Major) Depression

      I've been struggling with depression for the past four years or so. I have attempted suicide several times. I have taken overdoses of my medication to knock myself out to deal with the pain. I used to cut myself and have been anorexic for a while... all in attempts to cope. I'm working on healing and God is helping me through.

      Treatments

      Celebrate Recovery Working / Worked
      Celexa Too Soon to Tell
      I just started this, we'll see how it goes. It seems like it's helping, but I'm not sure yet. Have been feeling more nauseated, not sure if it's b/c of this med or not.
      Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Somewhat Helpful
      It's hard to do this when you're really depressed. It was helpful when I had the motivation to actually do it... but getting that motivation is sometimes the real battle.
      Cymbalta Not Working
      Didn't seem to make any difference for me. Now getting weaned off of it and trying Celexa instead.
      Effexor Somewhat Helpful
      It seems to keep me somewhat stable. Mostly I notice I can focus better when I am on it.
      Elavil Somewhat Helpful
      Sort of helped me sleep for a little while, but didn't really work for me.
      Faith Working / Worked
      Lexapro Not Working
      Made me really sick, and exhausted. Hated it!
      Meditation Working / Worked
      I went to www.meditainment.com and got a subscription, downloaded MP3s of meditations for all sorts of things from Depression Relief, Positive Outlook, and Falling Asleep... very helpful. It was hard to get into at first, but it's something you just have to train your brain for. It's not all hippie 70's like either... I'm a Christian but the guided imagery and music etc is really relaxing. The falling asleep meditation is how I was able to break free from using sleeping pills for my insomnia.
      Positive Thinking Working / Worked
      Of course positive thinking works, but it's SO hard to get those thoughts in your head when you need them most.
      Psychotherapy Somewhat Helpful
      Depends on the counselor. I gave up for a while but am considering starting again. Not all counselors are the same, I guess I have to find the right fit.
      Trazodone Working / Worked
      I use it for sleep when I need to. I have weaned myself off of it. It's a pretty powerful drug, not to mess around with. I was on the max dose for it when my insomnia was at its worst. It does knock me out though. I hated being dependent on it, and the sleep wasn't as good as 'natural' sleep, but it was better than nothing. It is an antidepressant too, so I'm sure that helped.
      Wellbutrin Working / Worked
      I can totally tell when I haven't had my wellbutrin. I get really depressed and suicidal within a few days. I have been off of my meds for a few months now and it's getting overwhelming. I thought I could do without but I have so many more life stressors piling on now I have decided to start medication again.
      Writing Working / Worked
      I find out things when I am journaling/typing that were in my subconscious. Writing things out really helps me, it's where I find my "voice." It's also helpful to be able to pin my thoughts down on paper, so I can go back and look at them. Rather than just fleeting thoughts...it helps me sort things out... is also helpful when in counseling to bring my journal along or share it with someone I trust to help them understand when I just don't know what to say.

    • Close Anxiety

      Treatments

      Breathwork Working / Worked
      Focusing on your breathing really does help. Seems silly, but it works.
      BuSpar Not Working
      My general physician gave me this when I first asked about anxiety medication... it really didn't do much for me.
      Klonopin Working / Worked
      Works for me. Helps calm me down and feel like I can handle things, gets the anxiousness back under my threshold. CAREFUL!!!! I was date-raped after taking too much of this drug. The guy apparently thought I wanted sex... I don't remember what happened or what I said... it causes amnesia and loss of inhibition. BE CAREFUL and only take what you're prescribed. I've taken too much, been loopy from it and sleepy and have been sent to the ER then a Crisis Center, they thought I was trying to OD.
      Lexapro Not Working
      HATED IT! It made me very sick, and very tired.
      Meditation Working / Worked
      I went to www.meditainment.com and got a subscription, downloaded MP3s of meditations for all sorts of things from Depression Relief, Positive Outlook, and Falling Asleep... very helpful. It was hard to get into at first, but it's something you just have to train your brain for. It's not all hippie 70's like either... I'm a Christian but the guided imagery and music etc is really relaxing. The falling asleep meditation is how I was able to break free from using sleeping pills for my insomnia.
      Faith Working / Worked
      As a Christian, I try to turn to my faith when I'm struggling. It's hard sometimes. Faith is believing not seeing, feeling or anything...even though that is possible sometimes. No matter how much I struggle though, God is always there.
      Faith Working / Worked
      Celebrate Recovery Working / Worked

    • Open Stress Management

      Treatments

      Music Working / Worked
      Great for calming. Playing instruments is great, I play guitar and am learning the african drum... beating on a drum is great for stress relief. Sometimes trying to play an instrument causes more stress so just listening is better :)
      Celebrate Recovery Working / Worked

    • Open Congenital Heart Disease
      Type: Congenital Mitral Valve Disease

      Diagnosed with Mitral Valve Prolapse Syndrome in 2006. I had been blacking out and fainting a lot, basically it just makes my heart pump inefficiently. The blood tries to go backwards because of the floppy valve... it doesn't leak...but just flows backward instead of getting out to the body like it's supposed to. So my heart tries to pump faster to get more blood out, I'd get a heart rate up in the 160-180 range at little activity, and I was in shape (Was in ARMY ROTC). But now disqualified :(

      Treatments

      Metoprolol Working / Worked
      It slows my heart rate down. My heart tries to beat faster to make up for the floppy valve... mine doesn't leak (yet) but pushes back into the atrium when the blood is supposed to be squeezing out to the body... so there's backflow...even though it doesn't go through the valve. (Did that make sense?)
      Midodrine Working / Worked
      This one raises my blood pressure. I needed the Toprol to slow my heart rate, but it also lowered my Blood Pressure as a side effect so I had to go on Midodrine to raise my blood pressure. So, I only need this because of the side effects of Toprol. *sigh* Oh Well! At least I don't have blackouts and faint anymore from low BP :)

    • Open Self-Injury

      I used to cut myself. I haven't now for hmm... two years? I still have the scars and it's still a battle. I have turned to other things like taking too much of my psych meds to knock myself out, and was anorexic for a time. Check out my site... www.myspace.com/suicidepreventionwi

      Treatments

      Psychotherapy Working / Worked
      Art Working / Worked
      Celebrate Recovery Working / Worked

    • Open Breakups & Divorce

      Treatments

      Pets Working / Worked
      My Cats Liam and Lyel are my buddies. They've gotten me through a lot.
      Celebrate Recovery Working / Worked

    • Open Insomnia

      Treatments

      Ambien Somewhat Helpful
      Worked for a while... then stopped working altogether.
      Celebrate Recovery Somewhat Helpful
      Helped me deal with issues that were keeping me up at night.
      Lunesta Too Soon to Tell
      Just started... we'll see... I've been on enough sleeping pills. I hope this works.
      Meditation Working / Worked
      Helped break me from sleeping pills for a while. Takes a bit to get used to, but if you do it for a while your brain gets used to it. Sometimes had to re-start the meditation several times before I was relaxed enough to listen to the whole thing, eventually I never heard the ending of it anymore. go to www.meditainment.com
      Melatonin Somewhat Helpful
      Use it as a supplement now at night. I think it sort of helps. I think it's helping regulate my sleep cycle. Definitely not a strong drug, could still stay up all night on it. But like I said I think it helps regulate my sleep somewhat.
      Music Working / Worked
      Helps me focus on that, instead of negative thoughts or worries that go through my head keeping me awake.
      Reading Not Working
      Keeps me awake
      Restoril Somewhat Helpful
      Worked for a little while then stopped
      Rozerem Not Working
      Did nothing at all for me. I still was up ALL NIGHT after being on it. It's supposed to boost melatonin in your brain by blocking receptors that would absorb it otherwise...so staying in the brain longer it has more time to have an effect. Melatonin is your body's natural sleep hormone. But no, that wasn't enough for my insomnia apparently. On to the next sleeping pill...
      Sonata Not Working
      Not strong enough to do much of anything
      Trazodone Somewhat Helpful
      KNOCKS me out, causes groggy feeling in the morning... never really felt rested... but I got sleep. Sometimes I would have a really hard time waking up in the morning. Definitely wait to try it until you have the next day off, until you know how you'll react to it.
      Valerian Somewhat Helpful
      It's in a supplement I get from the Vitamin Shoppe, it's sort of helpful I guess... but when I'm having a bad bout of insomnia... when things are really stressful... supplements don't do enough.

    • Open Back Pain

      I have scoliosis. Also had a car accident 11/05 that didn't help my neck out at all.

      Treatments

      Chiropractic Adjustment Working / Worked
      I didn't believe in it.. but I've been going for a year now. Without it I literally would not be able to work or function, it was getting that bad... and I'm only 23!!!

    • Open Scoliosis

      Diagnosed in 1998 when I was 13 during a sports physical. Started bothering me increasingly especially in college. I was in nursing school and could barely make it through clinicals. Chiropractic saved my life! (Dr. Litwin Appleton, WI if you live in that area, he is amazing!)

      Treatments

      Chiropractic Adjustment Working / Worked
      I didn't believe in it.. but I've been going for a year now. Without it I literally would not be able to work or function, it was getting that bad... and I'm only 23!!!

  • Friends

    See all friends


About Us | Testimonials | Crisis Hotlines | Help | 11/27/2009 1:01 PM  
» Popular Support Groups
· Bereavement
· Bipolar Disorder
· Depression
· Physical & Emotional Abuse
· Breakups & Divorce
· Diets & Weight Maintenance
· Anxiety
· Alcoholism
» Top Treatments
· Psychotherapy
· Paxil
· Prozac
· Zoloft
· Wellbutrin
· Effexor
· Physical Exercise
· Lexapro
» Stay In Touch
· Find us on Twitter!
· Find us on Facebook!
Advertisement
Content on DailyStrength.org is for informational purposes only. We do not provide any medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. More info
Portions of support group and treatment information provided by Wikipedia under the GNU FDL license
Copyright 2006-2009, DailyStrength, Inc. All rights reserved.
Terms of Service | Privacy Policy | Report Abuse | HSW International | HSW China | HSW Brazil