Progress
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Goal End Date is Apr 21, 08 584 days ago.
emerald59 
8:11am, August 7, 2009
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About Me
emerald59
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Just wanted to know how you are doing? **HUGS**
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Wanted to let you know taking back my life will be shutting but you can join our new group here http://dailystrength.org/groups/su...
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I know your not online,but I just wanted to give you a hug!! I hope you have a good day!! **HUGs**, Gayne
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Wanted to give yiu a hug AND WISH THE BEST FOR YOU!!! ((HUGS)),Gayne
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Thanks for the flowers Emerald ,their greatly appreciated! So is the affirmation!So your day is going how? Sorry Im so sleep deprived! How's your wound coming along,any better at all? I sure hope so!! ((HUGS)) Gayne
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Goals
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Support Groups
Close Multiple Personalities
I've been in treatment for DID and PTSD for the last 6 years. I am mostly integrated down to a small core of 5. Most of the walls are transparent now but occasionally have murky opaque days, when stress mounts and I don't take care of myself properly. We used to be a Collective of 14. I am an adult survivor of sexual child abuse. Also diagnosed w/paranoid schizophrenia in 1983 after my hospitalization in a State facility, following my 1st marriage to violent alcoholic. 38 times inpatient since.
Treatments
- Writing Working / Worked
- I have a journal that I began when I accepted the fact that I was fragmented. It is called "The Collective jounal". I still have letters, poems, etc., from years ago, written by my alters. This helps me to have a forum for the alters to 'vent' and find ways to work together. Like a round table discussion. It is helping me to piece together and de-fuse the really big triggers.
Close Sexual Abuse
I am an adult survivor of sexual abuse. Many years of abuse, rape and torture. I am a survivor.
Treatments
- Art Working / Worked
- It is a great medium for working out the visceral feelings associated with the abuse and the long-term effects.
- Group Therapy Working / Worked
- I found support in years of daily therapy and being able to finally talk about all the years of silence about it.
- Leave Working / Worked
- I fled from my first husband, even fleeing the state because there were no stalking laws here back then. If I had not left I would have been killed. My husband tortured me sexually and physically and mentally. He was also a pedophile who was not content to just abuse me as an adult, but because he knew I was abused as a child he used that information coupled with torture to nearly destroy me. He is now in prison for murder and I have been free of him since 1984.
- Music Working / Worked
- Listening to music and playing my guitar has been a balm and aid not only to me but to others with whom I share it. Because in pouring out myself in music reaches others and in turn helps me to heal.
- Talking Working / Worked
- I've found that talking about it has helped me to realize that for years I have judged that small child with an adult mind, punishing myself, until I learned I was not alone and found solace in helping others come through their own pain.
- \"The Courage To Heal\" Somewhat Helpful
- I started working on this with a counselor back in 1991, but didn't get to finish. My second husband found my list of abusers and became violent, destroying my journals, artwork and the book. I finally got free of him 3 1/2 years later. I would be interested in finding that book again.
Open Self-Injury
I began s.i.v. at the age of 8 years old.Anger was not acceptable in my home, so i stuffed it till it became clear that pain squelched the anger. As i got older, the injuries became more serious. And hidden beneath my clothes. Many reasons for it,not enough characters to tell them all here. i still have the urge but don't act on it as often anymore.
Treatments
- Group Therapy Somewhat Helpful
- Spent years in daily therapy. Sometimes it helped, but there were so many other issues that at times I was told I was "too sick for group therapy" and that I was frightening the other patients.
- Outpatient Treatment Program Somewhat Helpful
- Being held accountable by a group of peers helped, but seemed for me only to treat the symptom and not the root.
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- I am still in weekly sessions with my doctor. It does help a tremendous amount, especially when I get to the root of what is causing the triggers.
- Rubber Bands Not Working
- it was too benign. It seemed almost laughable, because it only spurred me to do more.
- Talking Working / Worked
- At times this is the best option. But only if I don't let the anger escalate too far.
