Journal

I've been away for a bit...to be honest, I didn't think I needed this site anymore. I thought I was stronger. Well, I suppose even the strong need support. I've been off medication for well into a year now. I noticed little change from my medicated days...I must be cured! Right?

WRONG! About 2 months ago, my obsessive thoughts started coming back...with a vengeance. About a month ago, I began having daily panic attacks...for 3 weeks straight! It was horrible! Oddly enough, we made the decision to move during all that. Since we've been in our new home (about 2 weeks now), I haven't had a panic attack...not a bad one, at least! Really weird, huh?

The last and final straw was last night. One of our dear family pets, Leo, passed. It destroyed me. He was such a good kitty. He never bit or scratched and was more than tolerable of the kids. He was handsome and cuddly, and I miss him terribly. The bad part is that it was an "accident". He was outside...since we moved into our new home, we let the animals out during the day and bring them in at night. I got busy and left him out a little later than normal. He got hit by a car. Now, of course, I have all sorts of thoughts running through my head, from it being all my fault to do the kids hate me because of it. It's been excruciatingly painful. So, here I am...groveling at your feet, begging for acceptance and understanding...will you let me in?