Journal

Hey, well once they start collecting social security the will be getting a fixed income monthly. At that point they can get into senior subsidized housing. In NJ they take 33 and 1/3 percent of a person's monthly income for the rent. In return they get a small one bedroom apartment. Call the office on aging in the state they live in and investigate your options. Love, Joy

HEY I AM HERE FOR YOU. I HATE IT WHEN FAMILY TRIES TO USE YOU UNTIL THEY GET WHAT THEY WANT AND THEN LEAVE YOU WITH NOTHING. NO SUPPORT. BUT ONE THING YOU STILL HAVE. GOD. HE IS WITH YOU ALWAYS.

When my mom died It was like my world ended.
My dd was three and my ds had just turned one.
My mom died of a heart attack.
Not quite ten months to the day my husband left me.
My mil was never tjere for me or the kids but her mom my kids great-grand-mother was.
Her and my dd were very close and my ds later on had my dad his grand-pa my beloved mom called my dad Poppy.
it's just been very hard in the past two years for me and my kids and just recently my ex-husband and his mom have decided to try and ingratiate themselves back into our lives.
Why???
When I really needed both of them and so did dd and ds where were they???
Just wanted to say I am sorry and hopefully your husband will get it.
I know what it's like when people play favourites my kids were not as important to my mil and she also favoured girls over boys bu t wasn't going along with that.
She has four grand-kids two are her daughter's are two are mine.
She always favoured the girls...always and then she only seemed interested in having my dd there to watch her other grand-daughter my niece.
Both boys were not treated fairly at all and for that i have an unbearable sadness.
It's her loss though but she hurt the "kids" all of them by playing that game.
Nobody wins.
~hugs~

Holly, the upcoming 1 year anniversary is the hardest I found to deal with. I relived everything all over again. I was a complete mess the entire week before the anniversary, sobbing like I did when she first died. You have to just go with your feelings and let it out. I have been there and I am here for you. Lots of hugs and love, Rachele

I hear you hun. I feel your pain. Friday will be 10 yrs for me and I feel like it was only moments ago that I lost my mom. I don't want that to deter you from thinkin that there is no end to where you are now, because there is. If anything Bumpers is the one and only to help bring you out. But honestly no matter what anyone says at this point in time it's not going to help, you need to feel this pain. It is so raw and real, you can't hear or feel anything else. The strength and will to go on comes from within and in time. So just hang in there sweetie and lean on those around you for strength during the times you cannot do it alone. And remember, you are NEVER alone. (((huggs))) to you dear.

Holly... that 1 year anniversary was hell for me. It sent me into such a spiral that I am just recovering. As you said, it's now real. She has been gone a whole year and your mind and heart and soul are just realizing this, just getting to accept this. As everyone has said, this is going to be hard, but you will pull through it. With your husband's love and Bumper's love and your mom's love, you WILL make it. Feel what you need to feel. Do what you need to do. And know that I am here for you, because, if not for you and the wonderful group you started, I would not have made it through. I'm here for you, my friend, always. Big hugs and many prayers, Bel

Holly, the pain you're in right now just breaks my heart. Hang in there sweetie! Love, Cheryl

Holly, my heart breaks that you feel this same way as I am now. It is so unfair and I am not sure I will make it through this month. I am not sure if I even want to. For some reason, I thought it would get easier as the months pass but it has not. I am still somewhat in denail, but with the anniv. coming I am starting to lose even that "protection" I have wrapped myself in. Wrap your arms around Bumpers and hug tight. I so wish my kids would be here, but they have their own lives now. I am with you in spirit and somehow, we will get through this. Much love and many gentle hugs, Sharon

Holly, I am sure that in time, things will get so much easier for you.
Have you been to see someone in a professional capacity? I dont think it could do you any harm.

Have you read the book that I recommended to you long ago? On Grief and Grieving by Elisabeth Kubler Ross and David Kessler.

it worries me that 12 months on you are still hurting so bad. Dont get me wrong, I am not putting a time limit on you - that is not what I mean, I have just found myself that I have learned to live with my mothers passing. I still cry, but nowhere near as much. And its little things that can set me off crying.....

Please message me and let me know you are ok

Sam

It is soo hard, I know. I would do anything to have my MOm back. It still seems so unreal to me!! I hope you make it through October. Try to be strong. BIG HUG FOR YOU. Kristine

I so understand Holly. You know what I do when I feel like this which is all the time lately.....I go and I walk. Not always because its healthy and a good thing for anxiety but because I don't know what else to do with myself. I don't know when this loss is going to set in. I miss my Mom so bad....it hurts so much. I know your emotions....I have the same ones. I'm trying to learn how to be in the present more. Its really hard to do but I do it at times. I still feel in shock sometimes.....like it never happened. I have more than ample time to sit and think about what I want to do with my life and guess what.....I can't even think straight enough to come to a conclusion. I feel stuck. I have no distractions but I wish I did because then I would have more of a purpose. On the flip side I have been contemplating getting a puppy because of my loneliness but I'm afraid of the commitment.

I'm sorry about your brothers not being supportive. My sisters never talk about my Mom. Not a peep out of my brother. Ever. Like nothing happened!! Its infuriating at times. It is our job to keep their memories alive. Still so hard to do it though.

You are so right about that loss of unconditional love. Nobody could ever argue that. I'm here for you always. Big Hugs to you! Love, Joy

You don't know how much your words resonate with me. I feel like this every single day. I understand the loss of the love, of you mattering completely to someone else in this world. The loss of my mom has changed me to my core... I look in the mirror and don't even recognize the face I see anymore. All I see is grief and pain. Some days, I sit on my couch and just cry because I don't know what to do, who to turn to, where to go.

Holly, you are so blessed that you have your Dad and your son. Keep looking to them for strength. Unfortunately, for the rest of your family, things may take a long time to return to normal, if it ever does. Everyone deals with death differently, especially men. They're not suppose to show emotion. To always appear strong. My younger brother hardly ever talks about our mom unless I bring her up, but I know he's hurting as much as I am. That he misses her as much as I do. And, yes, like Joy said, it can be frustrating but that's how he's choosing to deal with this.

You know that I'm here for you. Always. Lean on me and the rest of us in MD when you need to. Loads of hugs! Bel

My family is doing the same exact thing. It's like if no one acknowledges the "big elephant" in the room then it's not there. My parents were also the glue in our family. My only brother just moved away to Minnesota. My mom's family pretty much ignores us which is painful since we were all really close. My counselor told me that my family was probably always this way and I didn't notice it since my parents were the center of the family. Even if this is true, like you said it's more loss. Sending you lots of hugs! Deb

I thought I was reading my own words. The intensity of the sadness is so overwhelming. I have my brother, thank goodness, and we are very close. My husband thinks he is being supportive, and everyone else thinks he is too but I think since my mom died, (even writing the words are so hard!) I feel so much more alone. I have my children too, 19 and 10, and they are my reason for living. My husband lost his cell phone again and my daughter is diabetic. I have no one else and when I tell my husband he's the only one I can call in an emergency, he just doesn't get how important it is to me to be able to reach him. He just doesn't get it! Why do men make things so difficult sometimes. I really love him, he's a wonderful husband and father, but I can tell you, my mother loved me unconditionally and would never had upset me like this. I know I'm sort of babbling but I'm crying right now and feel so sad and alone and don't know how to live the life ahead of me. I'm so scared sometimes to go on. How could this have happened when I needed her so much in my life? I'm so sorry for all of you to be feeling this badly too! It is the worst feeling I can imagine.

I love what you say about wearing your mothers love like a scarf. You are so right. I feel as if I have lost all my confidence and that quite frankly no one in the world actually loves me now. There is no love like a mothers love xx

I also love what you said about wearing your Mom's love like a scarf! That described it excally, you don't know how much you take that for granted. I was so confident and comfortable and just loved. My friends were there and my little woes are insignificant compared to now. I don't even know who I am anymore, your speaking the words right from my heart, I look in the mirror. Who is this aging, haggard, so serious, depressed looking woman?? Where was the carefree, fun-loving, life of the party, beaming beauty that was???

I'm so sorry about your brothers too hun, I know it may not help or feel better, but men really do seem to have a hard time dealing with grief, my step-dad, finally seemed to show a little remorse, but he still won't even let go about it, but a huge step is I can now talk about Mom with him occasionally and he doesn't judge me for my feelings. My sister is VERY VERY SLOWELY coming around, I finally had to be blunt and begg her to hang with me it seems. She slowely is talking about Mom more. But when i'm all out depressed in the mixed of griefing, I certainly cannot call her. Anyways hun, sorry didn't mean to go on about me, it's just what your going through seems similar and brought up a lot for me. ))SENDING LOVE AND HUGS((

Boy your words are so much how I feel. It was like I was reading the pass year of my life. Yes we don't realize how important someone is until they are gone and then we are lost. Mom and I were so close and I don't have any regrets but I wish I had her here to talk to. I could tell her anything. Anything. She would listen. 9:44 a.m. August 7, 07 my life forever changed. My best friend and Momma went to heaven. Man it just sucks. Take care and sending you hugs and support. Love, Donna

Your life sounds like I could have written this. My siblings have isolated themselves since my mom's death in April. It is so painful. My four year old is going through a replay of the terrible twos, but they seem like she turned up the volume on them! You are coming up on a year of losing your mom. I want to give you my support and prayers because it is still very fresh for you, but others are starting to think that your grief may be less by now. I know that isn't true and I want you to know that I understand and relate. I know your mom is right there with you watching over you and Bumpers. Big hugs to you.