Journal

I have been feeling pretty good lately.  Laughing a lot and getting super involved with my school’s Habitat for Humanity.  I have a newer roommate and we are getting along really well and I have become friends with my neighbor.  I still am having issues with my body and I forcefully sleep through weekends but I have not felt that extreme low I have been talking about in a couple of weeks.  I switched my major to Art Education and I feel good about but I am not setting myself up to fail again this time.

I am okay.  And I know a big part of it is the ds people (you know who you are).  I hope this feeling lasts and get back on track and I hope all of you can have the same success.

I used to know why I was here; why things happened to me.  I used to have someone to talk to or to ask for help no matter where I was or what was happening.  That someone was my escape and my shelter; my reason to get out of bed and the last someone I spoke to before falling asleep.  But somewhere along the road I lost my love, my hope, my shelter; and, I don’t where to find what I have lost.

I miss my god more than words can describe.  I miss that comfort.  Now I feel all alone; a void I have been trying to fill in vain.  I can remember how I felt; how good you made feel.  But, I can’t remember how I loved you, how found, or how I lost you.  I know you are there waiting with arms wide open but I can’t reach you and it kills me.  Every day waiting and hoping I’ll see the light around a corner but I every morning and every night I am left in the dark and it leaves me empty and hateful and useless.

Be thin, be beautiful; be thin, be loved.  Be thin, be beautiful; be thin, be loved.  Be thin, be beautiful; be thin, be loved.  Be thin, be beautiful; be thin, be loved.  Be thin, be beautiful; be thin, be loved.  Be thin, be beautiful; be thin, be loved.  Be thin, be beautiful; be thin, be loved.  Be thin, be beautiful; be thin, be loved. Be thin, be beautiful; be thin, be loved.  Be thin, be beautiful; be thin, be loved.  Be thin, be beautiful; be thin, be loved.  Be thin, be beautiful; be thin, be loved be.  Be thin, be beautiful; be thin, be loved.  Be thin, be beautiful; be thin, be loved.