Journal

I'm changing a little day by day. I've made small changes in my diet, what I watch on TV, what music I listen to, what people I talk to (avoiding those who have a negative effect on me), and changes in my daily activities. I've seen change in my behavior since being put back on medication for my anxiety and depression. I'm thinking more clearly, I'm focused, I have more energy, and I'm speaking up more. In the last three weeks I've only had one panic attack.

Right now, I'm having a little bit of a hard time, though. My step sister is over and for some reason she brings out the worst in everyone. She's like poison. Right now, she and my other sister are upstairs talking shit about me because I spoke up for myself. I told them to shut up. The reason I told them to shut up is because they started bitching because I didn't open the door when my neighbor knocked. I got up to at least see who it was however. I didn't answer it because I knew my neighbor wanted to see my mom but my mom was asleep and didn't want to be bothered. But when I went upstairs to tell my mom that our neighbor was over anyway, my sisters asked "Who was at the door?". I told them it was our neighbor. "Well why didn't you open it. You're so stupid. Stupid retard. You gonna open the door?" And that's when I told them to shut up and then they're like, "What the hell did she just say?" I'm so tired of this shit. I'm tired of them trying to bad mouth me and talk down to me and shit all the time, and I can't do it back? Fuck that. Give respect to get it.

But I'm even more annoyed that my mom never does anything to stop it until things get physical.