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pgreen 
1:39pm, October 23, 2009
Today, I decided to stay home from work and have a mental health day ! Part of me enjoys the solitude yet I am unhappy with the lonliness and stillness that not being busy creates. The truth is I have had a very hard time unwinding and enjoying myself! I have been on a treadmill , doing, keeping busy with multi-tasking for my family and the job for so many years. When my time comes to have space alone I am unable to find joy . I know, there is still that grieving part inside me that cannot be quited. The hole in the soul that will never fully heal. Still, I must celebrate the peaceful moments I recieve with grace and know that all is for the best. For all of my life I have searched for someone to take the pain away, realizing that there never was or will be anyone ,except myself....
So, I take the small steps that I believe will lead me to closure and perhaps retsored full sanity . For years I have given and given , never knowing I had the right or even the possibility to ask for help. Now, I realize that and have started asking for help. I have even learned to tell my children " no" with compassion for both them and myself. I am truly tired and have learned to hear the voice from within , telling me that it is never too late to be happy and even enjoy . GHee, can little Phil come out and play... the future awaits
Thank you for reading and sharing. The truth will set and keep us free !!
Phil
Comments
Dearest Phil,
I can totally understand where you are coming from when you talk about the giving... You DO have the right to ask for help and to be the one to receive all the good things that God has to offer us :)
You will find joy in today and in every day.. it's all right there in front of you sweetie. And you know what ? Fairytales do come true ! May not come all at once, but in little pieces here and there and before you know it IT'S A WHOLE WONDERFUL FAIRYTALE COME TRUE :)
I'm here whenever you want or need to vent/need hugs/etc etc etc .....
Love always,
Monica xoxo
Monica58
Dear Phil...there are so many parallels with my own life here,(see my poem in journal..'Late Bloomer' recently) so I do understand what you are saying.The giving..me too,..that is what I loved doing the best,..now I am learning to rceive too, and DS has really helped in this area.
I think sometimes we feel we need to be alone...but when we get there our minds start churning things over, and our own company can become counter-productive. I think a day alone needs to be planned whilst we are in these states of mind...'doing' but arranged things we enjoy; if not we can end up wandering around aimlessly and thinking too much about the wrong things! I too, was waiting for someone to take my pain away, (wrote a poem about that too!) and although others can assist, and boost our self esteem and confidence,.. pointing us in the right direction...yes, it is only us that can do this ultimately. And YES, I do believe that Fairytales can come true!! I heard a song last night about 'believing' and all the wonderful things that can happen when we 'believe'. When we reset our internal 'wishing, hoping and believing' mechanism... it is then that Miracles can and do occur!! Coming out to play Phil? Love, Diana x
twilightmoon
SOMEONE LOVES YOU,SOMEONE CARES,SOMEONE HEARS YOU,EVEN IN THE DARKNESS OF THE NIGHT,SOMEONE KNOWS THE PAIN,SOMEONE FEELS FOR YOU,SOMEONE HOLDS YOUR HAND IN THE COLDEST HOUR OF SADNESS>>>ME,YOUR SISTER IN PA>>nAMASTE MY BROTHER PHIL
shamanwolf