Life
July 28, 2009 9:58am
We are finally gettinga divorce. I am trying to find a job and it has notbeen easy. He is still living in the house until the other one sells. He is …
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About Me
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About Me
I am a very out going person who is trying to get out of my fears. I have agoraphobia & I have had symptoms of this since I was about 9. I was molested as a child. I have been to some great counseling programs & it has helped me to learn to take my baby steps to get out a little more. I really want to have some close friends to support emotionally & help each other get through this & be more functional. I am married & my partner chose to use anger & ignore me.I do not have any friends where I live. I don't trust very many people it is hard to trust although I am very open and will talk about anything. If you see me online and if the chat works chat me I will talk to you if I am at my desk I leave my pc on all the time it comforts me to know people are there.
I am a very out going person who is trying to get out of my fears. I have agoraphobia & I have had symptoms of this since I was about 9. I was molested as a child. I have been to some great counseling programs & it has helped me to learn to take my baby steps to get out a little more. I really want to have some close friends to support emotionally & help each other get through this & be more functional. I am married & my partner chose to use anger & ignore me.I do not have any friends where I live.
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Interests
I enjoy baking & cooking & I did have a job out side my house baking in a friends vegetarian cafe 3 years ago & that was my first job in 10 years. I also love music & have a drum set. I love animals & have many many cats. I tell myself I get to work out since it helps my anxiety level alot.
I enjoy baking & cooking & I did have a job out side my house baking in a friends vegetarian cafe 3 years
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Recent Activity
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Journal
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Getting Better
July 8, 2009 2:17am
After all these years of batteling my agoraphobia panic anxiety and my non supportive husband I am finally at the point were I feel I can make it …
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Facebook wars
July 8, 2009 2:09am
I am very open with my feelings and Ihave a facebook and my husband is on it too. This is what I wrote just to vent and feel better. And just so …
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Spokane WA
June 19, 2009 5:17pm
I pretty much live in Spokane WA now and I am looking for a job. I finally seem to have my anxiety under control and would love to help others. I am …
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Mom Had Heart Problem Again
January 14, 2009 2:17am
My brother called me today to tell me my Mom had to go to the hospitol.She has congestive heart problems and has had many heart attacks in the past …
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Hugbook
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I am doing okay. I get lonely and miss companionship.
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Hug
My husband was very abusive. He wasn't into me anymore but I am single now and starting over. Sometimes you feel more alone when they are there than you do when you are by yourself.
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Heres a hug.
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I was abused as a child too-I feel your pain! Hoping to make new friends& deal with all this pain I've been going through..
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Your welcome. Yeah I am doing okay. Thank you for asking. Have a wonderful week.
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Photos
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Support Groups
Close Panic Attacks
My panic attacks are not as bad as they were 14 years ago but I still have a hard time going out alone. I can not eat or swallow in front of people and I can't even breathe or swallow my own spit when I have a bad panic attack. These happen daily to me.
Treatments
- Klonopin Somewhat Helpful
- I took this for I think a year and it did not take away my anxiety but made me feel like I was very stupid but it did help me sleep.
- Xanax Somewhat Helpful
- I have been taking Xanax only when I really need it. This helps to calm me down but I still can have a panic attack on it.
- Physical Exercise Working / Worked
- I found that when I work out at least 5 days a week or every other day as soon as I wake up I am much calmer during the day.
Close Anxiety
I have anxiety almost all the time. I think I am an over thinker. I don't let anyone get to close to me in fear of rejection so I hold on very loose to people but I do really care about others.
Treatments
- Klonopin Somewhat Helpful
- helped me sleep I am not on it now that was many years ago.
- Xanax Somewhat Helpful
- I take Xanax only when I really need it.I have no insurance or a Dr so I use an out dater bottle from 2005 when I need one.
- Physical Exercise Working / Worked
- Working out 5 days a week or every other day helps keep me a little calmer
Open Physical & Emotional Abuse
It was hard to join this community for me. I have been in past relationships and if they were violent I was able to get out but now that I have agoraphobia panic and anxiety I have been the victrom of an emotional abuser. I have to stuff all my emotions most of the time.He in a round about way blames me. He ignores me.Way more then 500 words for what I have been through and am going through. He is a true mind F#@! to me.
Treatments
- Family Therapy Working / Worked
- I did what ever I could and what the counselor asked and he refused to do anything. He knew what to say and thought that admiting what he was doing wrong was enough.
Open Vegetarians & Vegans
Type: VeganI became vegan about 14 years ago.I just was feeling sick after eating animal products and the family health history was not in my favor. I read some books and jumped in. I am now a vegan baker and chef but out of work. It is a personal choice and education is the key.
Open Phobia
Type: Agoraphobia (fear of open spaces)Well I am agoraphobis I also can't breathe when I have a panic attack I can't swallow even my own spit. A lot of things freak me out.
Open Bereavement
Type: Loss of a ParentWhen I was a child my cousin would send me birthday cards.She made me feel special. I never got to meet her. My cousin Margie died from diabetes in her 20's and I was about 8 years old.As a child not really knowing people that died I did not know how to feel. When I was about 14 my nieghbor that I grew up with who was in a wheelchair from polio told us her son Mark killed himself.He was my buddy and would pick me up over the fence to visit he was 6'7.I fell apart at the cemetary.
Treatments
- Crying Working / Worked
- I think of them and cry missing them and then I cry about the things I remember about them and why I loved them.
- Remembering Working / Worked
- It always helps me to remember the happy times.The hugs the smiles. The silly things they did.
Open Healthy Sex
Married for 17 years and he is not into me anymore but I have myself.
Open Breakups & Divorce
I got married at age 21 and that lasted all of 3 months until he told me I could not go out with out him and I could not work so I left him. I divorced him 8 years later after I had to call his Brother who worked for the LAPD to find him and got married to who I thought was the man of my dreams. I am planning a secret divorce so I can have a calmer life after the hell I have been going through with myself and with his emotional abandonment.
Treatments
- Couples Counseling Working / Worked
- I did what ever I could and he said what ever made him look and sound good and did nothing at home with me.
- Support from Friends & Family Working / Worked
- This is pretty bad since when I talk to them they just tell me all the bad things about him and I already know that.
- Talking Working / Worked
- This helps me alot since I have only a few friends and I need to talk about how I feel or I will burst.
