Journal

 Father’s Day is June 21st, and this year, the average American will spend that day gift giving, sharing quality time with their father, and or, enjoying family dinner. Although for some Americans the day will hold no significance.  Unfortunately, there are countless of people who have never met their fathers. Luckily, some children do get the luxury of visiting their fathers on the weekend. But honestly, have you ever wondered why we have a designated celebration called Father’s Day?  Interestingly enough, there are many reasons why America celebrates Father’s Day. Some believe the day was established because of a young boy in Babylon who prayed to God- in hopes- that his father would have longevity and good health.  Other’s equate the day with a woman who found it necessary to celebrate the day commemorating the families of those who were killed in a deadly mine explosion. Reportedly, there were 361 men killed in this explosion. Some were fathers who were even recent immigrants to the United States from Italy. However, it was President Lyndon Johnson who designated the third Sunday of June, in 1966 as the official day for Father’s across America. Then, President Richard Nixon signed the first public bill in 1972 making it a permanent holiday.

 There is an estimated 64.3 million fathers across the nation, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. 19% percent of those are single fathers with full custody. 38% percent are fathers who never married, and 11% are fathers to step-children.  And despite these statistics, and the numerous reasons why we celebrate Father’s Day, this Father’s Day will be special for me, because I have composed a book titled “You are Phenomenal and True…that’s why I love you dad ”, http://bradleyalmighty.tripod.com

 Even though to my father, it will be just another day. But this year, I wanted to do something that would make up for those years I was lost and unable to express what I felt. Like millions around the globe, I will be flooded with emotions and stumbling over my words because I find it hard to voice what I feel when talking with my father.

So instead of giving him some fancy gadget that he will recklessly torment in the process of trying to figure out how to use, I have found it much easier to share my thoughts and love through poetic expressions. Even though for millions of other people expressing love for their father is easy.  There are countless of others- particularly men-who lack the ability to express their thoughts, let alone their feelings towards their dad.

Growing up, I was fortunate to have my father living in the house.  Although his primary position was enforcing discipline, bringing in the finance, and protecting the house; like many male children, I never built a strong bond with my father. Once I reached the age of thirteen, I was so discombobulated with emotional confusion; the only time I really dealt with my dad was during hours of punishment. And unfortunately, it was those moments that created resentment in me towards him.

Like most male children, it was challenging for me to be the person my father aspired for me to be; just as challenging as it was for him to express his thoughts of love towards me.  But when I was a child I didn’t see the bigger picture.  Looking back, I now understand his position. I now realize he didn’t have the knowledge on how to build a relationship with me because he didn’t have a relationship with his father.

So here I am, forty-years old, and not much has changed between us. In fact, we have almost completely grown apart. Albeit, I must admit, I played a significant role for this happening. When I was seventeen, I was sent to prison for six years. And while serving my first year in prison, my father brought his other son to visit me, a son whom I had never met, but had heard of from other family members. And even then, when I asked was it true, my father informed me that it was a lie. So, from that day forward, it’s as though the entire relationship shared between he and I was shattered, not on his behalf but mine.

Learning how to accept a brother, who was the same age as I when we met, and who looked exactly like my father; plus, coping with my mental and emotional breakdown which erupted from physical assaults endured while incarcerated, was more than I could handle. So much, upon my release from prison I was unable to reclaim a normal state of mind, and sought comfort in rebuilding old relationships with previous associates. It wasn’t long after, that I was reunited with the corrections system, where I spent another three years.

Upon release from that sentence, rekindling any form of family ties to me was merely impossible.

But today, by the grace of God, I am grateful to have experienced every day spent in prison. When most people find it inhumane, prison helped me gain fortitude. It gave me the opportunity to discover who I was and how to express what I felt. Moreover, I learned how to analyze how other men felt, and how to come to terms with the lack of relationship previously shared with my father. It wasn’t long after my release that I began rebuilding those bridges- years tore apart. And honestly speaking, I believe my experience through all of those years incarcerated allotted me the ability to encourage other men or young males, who too are finding it hard to talk about how they feel with their father, to take time out to develop some form of communication with your father.

Today, many males find it challenging to be who and what society dictates men should be.  In many instances, some men find it challenging to live up to the expectations set forth by female counterparts. To women, men are characterized as the provider and disciplinary of the house hold, and most women deem this characteristic to be a prerequisite within the relationship. Sadly enough, many men lack communication skills, and it is selfish to try and force a man to become someone he does not completely understand how to be. This is why I am taking the first step towards rebuilding the relationship between my father and me. No longer will I allow excuses to prevent me from overcoming my childhood insecurities. It is time I begin spearheading towards the pinnacle of compassion. Not merely for my sake but for the benefit of the relationship between my father and me.

So this Father’s Day will be celebrated through the pages of my new book titled Your Love is Phenomenal and True…that’s why I love you dad.

This paragon of creativity is compiled with twenty-three unforgettable poems I believe will warm his heart and bring tears of joy to his eyes. You can review some of them on my website at http://bradleyalmighty.tripod.com

 Father’s Day shouldn’t be just another day in June, but one that is celebrated everyday. Even if you do not have a relationship with your father, or even know where your father is, kneel down in prayer and ask God to grant you the strength to overcome your hurt and pain, and pray that God provides the same to your father. Despite the distance and time lost, your father will always be a part of you, because it is his blood that flows through your veins. Without his blood in your body, you could not be who you have become; therefore, always take time out and extend the greatest gift of all…pay homage to your dad and tell him how much you love him.

I write these words to clarifiy the confusion evolving around the newly released online HIV counseling that I have created in an effort to build a community that helps its own. Recently I received responsive from a particular individual on this site. Apparently, the issue is charging persons for HIV counseling, which one believes is a conman attempt. It is unfortunate that there is a cost for this counseling. But, in order to pay the salary of counselors, shipping cost of reading material, and time spent counseling requires a fee. Yes, I understand that some people will not be able to receive these counseling services. However, I am working dilegently trying to releave such cost by filing for a non-profit status. Until such time when this service can be provided at no cost, I am requesting a donation. This small donation includes unlimited counseling service, a copy of my new book- Positive Light for Positive Living, and an endless opportunity to make a serious change in the lives of those who are taking the initiative to become a part of this service.

Lately, it seems so many people who are HIV positive are being subjected to donation cost from many other long established HIV agencies. Is this fair to all? Some believe it is not. I believe it is worth every cent. Reason being, each and every person that is HIV positive must begin to take full responsibility for their own actions. If this were any other sexually transmitted virus, we would not be complaining about fees because we would be subjected to paying all clinical cost, hospital visits, and medical treatment. Since the age of AIDS struck our country, millions of lioves have been affected by the climbing cost of  HIV and its ongoing HIV treatments. Organizations across the globe have raised awareness and found effective ways to decrease the cost of these necessities, in an effort to help curve the need for outside govermental structured policies that force the cost of our medical treatments to grow beyond our ability to pay for proper medical treatment, with only leaving us dependant on non-profit organizations, which they continue to control.

 And like many who are not capable of receiving such medical treatment due to lack of funds, there have been other organizations that began offering free clinical visits, yet still required a small sliding fee or co-pays. But I declare, as a person who has been positive and living on the means of structured non-profit benefits, via the Ryan White Foundation, I recently was informed during a regular visit with my infectious disease specialist, that anyone entering the community clinic and receiving treatment under the Ryan White Foundation must begin providing a donation because the funding is drying up. How could this be? Well, it is  far time that people who  are HIV positive take a more active role in paying for the cost of on-going treatment.

We are so consumed by gaining something for nothing, when we should be more focused at building structured organizations that we can receive the same level of treatment or better without having to depend on the financial support of our communties, which we are continously infecting. Not saying that everyone who is HIV positive is being careless, but for those of us who are, it is affectign us all. So to implement a resource that requires a small donation fee to receive on-going post counseling, in an environment that is safe and considerable private was only for the benefit of anyone, any age, living with HIV to gain a step up out of the slump many of us are in. It was designed to provide effective methods of gaining the self esteem many of us have lost since being diagnosed.

It hurst me sincerely to be accused of being a conman when it comes to establishing something intended to be positive for positive living. For those who assume such, so be it. I am doing what I feel will be helpful. If that is wrong then, it is wrong to you. But  fo rthose who feel that this service is needed and should be given the opportunity to prove it self, I thank you for your support, and I will do my best, along with any other organization that collaborates with me on this endeavor - to make this online HIv counsleing service the best service we have available to us today.

Recently I read a message in my inbox and was appalled by the response. For someone to assume peole are trying to make money off of the HIV virus, is fine, but to accuse someone of doing so when you don't have the facts shows the ignorance of the person leaving the message. Positive Light for Positive Living will be a non profit entity in the coming months, but until then funds must be raised. Those of you who are HIKV positive and just sitting around twiddling your thumbs, complaining about what is wrong with everything, need to get up and make a difference instead of talking about what others are actually doing. We have this virus, so why msut we sit aorund and wait for those who are not positive to shove enormous cost down our throats for products we can produce and sell for our own benefits, like helping find a cure for this virus. The main reason people treat people with HIV and AIDS the way they do is because most of us who are positive are lazy and don't care about anyone but self. Please, make this year different. Stop complaining and do something...don't just exist and look for a hand out. God bless each and every one of you. Our fight is not won.

 Sincerely,

Brad Fowler CEO Positive Light for Positive Living

www.hivcounseling.info