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sheryleyes 
I've been feeling sort of melancholy the last couple of days. Not sure if it's Crystal, my marriage or just my whole life in general. I don't want to get into a full blown depression again but I don't know what to do to stop it from coming. I had a pretty good day yesterday and so I can't understand why I have this underlying sense of despair?? Maybe I am trying too hard to not think about Crystal in prison and how she is and what she will do when she is out. Doug is acting nicer towards me and planning a romantic evening for tomorrow so everything is okay there. My job couldn't be better and I actually start vacation tomorrow. So why am I feeling so blah? This may sound silly, but I think that I am lonely. I am around people all the time so I am never really alone. Maybe it's all this family stuff that everyone is doing and I don't have any of my family here. Oh well, I am not going to sit here and feel sorry for myself because that is wasted time. I am going to put some music on and try and motivate myself to get all my office work done so that I can begin my vacation. Yeah!!
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Don't you hate it when you are writing your heart out and than the computer shuts down!!!
That just happended as I was ready to add my latest journal. I must have been too long winded even for this website! So basically, as a recap: I am ready to move on into 2008 in a positive mode. I have realized that my husband and my child are not my whole being and existence. I am strong and I am an individual with my own individual responsibilities and expectations in this world. We are all on a journey and we can only control our own destiny's. Where we are going and hopefully we can understand the reason and why if we look deeper at the issue and are not self centered. With that all said: I AM SO DEPENDENT ON MY GOD! I can talk the talk but can I walk the walk? Only God will be my Judge. I truly am afraid for myself and my daughter.
Dear Lord, My God,
Please have mercy on us all.
Amen.
sheryleyes