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sobernfree 
7:13pm, May 11, 2009
It's been one year to the day since my last entry in the journal here.Life has slowly got better and better.Many things have changed,the main one is that I've let down the wall and let someone into my heart in a way that I used to be too afraid to let anyone in.The times we have talked have been cherished,not endured,and I find myself caring very deeply for her.I get all happy when we get to contact each other,and I find myself suddenly very giving and open with her.Has God finally decided that I'm ready for this?Have I finally grown up enough to be able to do my part when it comes to having someone in my life?Do I have the courage and faith to give this wonderful woman all of me,no matter how little that may really be?All I know is she's touched me in ways that nobody has ever done before.She makes me think,makes me laugh,makes me happy.And it's just the beginning.I find myself asking what I've done that makes me worthy of having such feelings.But yet,I'm not scared,not afraid,not insecure.It really is nice to finally be a grownup.
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It's good to once again have time to write here,and to be on DS a little more.The spring has really been busy.Not too many things have changed here of late,it's just work,go to meetings,go to bed,get up the next day and start it over.I guess that's His plan for me right now.It does feel good to have picked up my 18 mo. chip last week.
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congrats on 18 months
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WAY TO GO!!! CONGRATS!
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Well done on your 18 months Randy! Great news and not that long to go to AA birthday number two! I had my first AA birthday on 1 May - a great and grateful day.
JUST ANOTHER DAY,NOT MUCH NEED IN JOURNALING,THEY'RE ALL THE SAME.GETTING READY TO GO TO A MEETING,GOTTA PICK UP ANOTHER DRUNK TO TAKE WITH ME,HE HAS NO LICENSE.HIT THE CAPS LOCK AND WASN'T WATCHING.SELFISH ME,I'VE BEEN WISHING ALL DAY I WAS GOING TO PICK UP A DATE AND GO OUT.BUT THAT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.WHAT WOMAN IN HER RIGHT MIND WOULD GO OUT WITH AN ALKY?I'VE BEEN DOWN IN THE DUMPS ALL DAY,MAYBE A MEETING WILL HELP.GOD'S TIME,NOT MINE,I GUESS.
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Well my days get very samey too a lot of the time. I think alkies who have recovered are amazing people and not just because I happen to be an alky too!
People I know who are not alcoholic often recognise that we have experienced profound spiritual growth and done a lot of hard work on ourselves to be able to enjoy and endure life without the need to pick up again.
Do not be critical of who you are, in loving yourself in a healthy way you open up the pathway to others to love you as well.
Give Bob a big hug and enjoy what you do have right now. We have to understand that by experiencing a bit of pain sometimes, it enables us to appreciate the good things even more when they come along.
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down in the dumps indeed...and negative self talking too! Typical of us alkies, right? I do this too and have to be careful when I fall in to this trap. Your sobriety is an awesome achievement and you will find a woman who sees your great qualities. Remember, you have to see them first! Love and Respect, L.
Past Entries
| February 2008 |
Saturday, 2/09
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January 2008 |
Tuesday, 1/29
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This is GREAT news! That means there is still hope for me! Yes, you deserve this! Keep me posted.
enumber1