Hi today I'm trying to find some …
Hi today I'm trying to find some help to take my mind off my back pain. I currently take enough pain medication that …
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slrow 
11:50pm, October 21, 2009
I am just at the point again where it seems like nothing is ever going to change or ever get better. It doesn't help this time of year I am more prone to be depressed anyway. I get to where I am doing good and then bam, blindsided. I know I should be use to it but it doesn't get any easier to deal with. Then I wonder if I am ever going to live a functional life without pain ever again.
I am getting worse at writing and typing. I misspell so many words because of this crap being in my brain that it takes me more time to type and correct than it ever had. Every two words I am having to go back and undo and respell the words.
I have really been down for the last two weeks and it hasn't gotten anybetter. I just feel like such a failure. I know nne of it is my fault that doesn't help. i just have no energy and i am a fixture sitting on the couch. So mush needs done. I have so much piled up from 3 years ago when i got really sick and couldn't do anything and my husband bless his heart tries. I just hate feeling hopeless.
I know there is hope but when i get this depression it just swallows me and I feel like I need to get away. So I am going to a Christian Conference on the Noverner 12-14 in VA> then I am going to TN for a week to see my Mom who has emphasyma and a bad liver from almost killing herself from drinking.
I know he means well but my idea of getting away doesn't neccesarliy mean going to visit the rest of my family. My mom loves with my sister and then my brother and his family who never talks to us lives there also. There has been 2 babies born down there by my neice and one by my nephew and his wife and noone even called to tell us.
So I am not looking to forward of my mom wanting me to go see popele I would rahter not. I am however going to use it to try and get things sortedout in my own head and have a good visit with my mom anyway.
Well i just hurt all over again and we go back to the doctor in 2 weeks so I guess we will see what he says. I have been on meds now again for almost 1 year and i still feel no different than I did when I first went to him. I know he is using the latest medsa nd the protocols most LLMD's are using so I know it is not that. my real fear is that I have had this since I was born and they didn't catch it until I was 32 and still didn't really start to treat it right until last year so I fear I will never get better.
I however have to atart believing my faith and no that there is nothing impossible for those who believe in Christ Jesus!!
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Lyme has way wearing down the best of us for sure, i often wonder taking all these meds (abx) what going to happen to my insides but if i don't take them the Bugs Win! no we can't let that happen we must with Gods help fight on the good fight of Faith.
We have to survive this awful Disease so we can help and warn others what to expect and that you need a winning, fighting attitude to beat this thing. I believe Lyme is the pestilence of the last days that it talks about in Mathew 24.
Lyme is very persistent now and it's make up has changed somehow even the Dr. Horowitz said so it's not the same Lyme from 10 or 15 years ago.
The roller coaster ride from Lyme is like from Hell and i wouldn't wish this Disease on my worst enemy for sure. Anyway have a good time at the conference and expect a Miracle to happen God can do anything according to His will and purpose.
johnnylight
Have you ever gotten a second opinion from another LLMD? I know you have been "treated" by lots of doctors over all these years, just wondering if you have seen more than one LLMD. It is more than discouraging to be sick and not see any improvement. It's easy to wonder what the point of all this is, and to think that it won't ever change. The reality of this disease is that it may not ever be good, may not ever go away, may not give us our lives back. That's where our trust and faith in God come in, to say that we believe he has a plan in the midst of this mess that is Lyme disease. Sending you a big hug and some love. God knew all along that we would be here, where we are, and He allowed it, so there must be a reason!
Laura
lauralpn