slrow's Journal

   Well, here ir is half way through another month. Hard to believe school stats in 2 weeks for the kids. This is my daughters last year. Boy time flies escpecialy when your sick and sleep half of it away. I am still battling her on taking her medicine. She is 17 and should know by now that if she doesn't she is gonna end up like me.

    I know everyone says that age they think they are invincible, but when she sees what I have gone through and still go through I say that's a cop out. I am just so tired of going around the same old crap everyday. Nothing ever changes. It is hard when your mind it telling you something totally different than your body is.

   I also know to get better with this I have to get sick again. I think that is what angers me too. My husband has it also / so then too I think don't take their meds right so they wont get sick. My husband admited to the doc that he didn't up his because he sees what I go through. So we are spending all this money on doctors and mes that they wont take or listen too.

  I just get so aggrivated. Then neither one of them will lift a finger to do anything around here. I think they would live in complete filfth. They will walk over something 20 times insted of leaning down to pick it up. My house is so cluttered and that is really getting to me too.

    See before I found out I had Lymes I had OCD, I still do to some extent but back then I would keep my house clean everyday. Eerything had its place and it was always clean and in order. Now it is a total wreck. That keeps me in constant stress but nobody cares.

They both have their agendas and no matter how many times I ask it is always ignored. I have asked my husband to take a couple Saturdays to help me and I always get a yes I will until it comes Sat. Always something else to take its place.

    I don't know how much longer I can stay on this roller coaster of emotions. You would think when I am depressed or really hurting they would try and cheer me up. I am totally ignored. I figure if I am always feeling alone maybe I should be alone.

   I know that is the disease talking , I know he loves me he just can't handle it either. But you know what he has a job he gets to go to and see other people. I lost my job that I loved to this dumb_ _ _ disease!!!!! So I sit here and stare at these walls that need painted and drawers that need cleaned out. It drives me crazy and I am really tired of going throughit.