SarinaRose's Journal

so i'm still confused. about everything. my life is hard right now, and i want a break. i think i take care of more then i can. i want more kids, but i dont think thats going to happen with my lupus. its depressing to think about your life ending before its been able to start. and your still around to see it end. it sucks. i cant do much. i feel like i'm tied down and being beaten. i hurt, yet he still doent understand. he gets the pain but not the mind problems. i have a haard time talking. my brain doesnt work right. i get confused easily. and i cant carry on a convo when i get all frustrated and then he gets mad at me for it. i miss my old husband. i miss my love for him. he isnt the same and neither are my feelings. i dont wanna leave him, but he is killing me  slowly (really) each stress kills me one peice at a time. why is it that i can dance but not walk. it hurts to walk, but if i dance, it takes longer. maybe because i'm relaxed and happy. most of the time. he makes it so unenjoyable. he fights with me every tiem i go to class. i hate it. i just wanna be happy again.