Journal

BLAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i really dont know anymore. you know, cuz my husband makes no sence. one miniute he is nice and the next he is a huge jerk! i can't hold my son, i cant pick him up. otherwise i am in pain... oh wait, i DO pick up my son and I AM in alot of pain!almost costently! i'm told i do nothing and that i aviod holding my baby! i push my self beyond what i should and put myself in sooo much pain. during the day at work i go about 10 to 20 miniutes at a time with very little or no pain. ussually not very long 20 is a rare amount for me. and at home i dont go more then 5 with hout pain! i'm always in pain. beacuse i hold my son and pick him up and playwith him and make him laugh! and yet people dont think i do any of that! they think i go and spend all my spoons dancing! i have maybe 1 or 2 spoons a week for my dancing! and if i am lucky god will bless me with an extra but that doesnt happen very offten!!! he just doesnt understand. and i am soooo tierd of trying to make people understand! so i'm going to go eat lunch and not care what people think or get or understand or care about! no matter who it is!!! ~Sarina*

i fight everyday with my husband. i cant stand it anymore. i know i could be doing more, but even when i apologize, he still makes me feel bad. i want to my friends house last night. we talked earlier that day about all of us hanging out. (all of us = my husband, baby and myself with her and her boyfriend) she then asked my husband and he said yeah sounds fun. so by the time we were wanting to go do somthing, he forgot all about our plans and wanted to go to our other friends house and play chess. he wanted me to take our baby, and i didnt want to take him. its hard for me to take care of him by myself. so he got all huffy, and now he is giving crap all night last night and all today he wouldnt shut up about me leaving the baby with him and how he was soooo looking foward to playing a game of chess. i mean yeah he takes care of the baby alot. (latley i have been focusing on my dancing troupe because i made a comittment and we have a show coming up) but he has always complained about watching him. things have been getting worse and worse. and fights build and build. our relationship built up from a faily strong one to crumbling into a pile of rubble. he has gotten so mean and rude. he sez things to be mean to me. he mocks things that help me. i was told the spoon theory the other night and i explained it to my mom and to him. my mom go it right away, but my husband just mocked me and made fun of it. its hurtfull. and agravating. *sad*