Journal

Don't look down you might fall in, no one wont's to go where i have been, darkness grows with in you still, climbing torn until you are still, night time comes your still awake, fighting still not sure how much to take, darkness still around you find twisting turning in your mind, once awake you can not sleep tears you cry but can not weep, you don't realise you have feel asleep until the morning comes.Now awake you still don't find, that restful feeling of peace inside your mind, darkness falls once again, no one wont's to go where i have been.I know im here but not to stay as i have friends to help me find my way, so just hold on and say, im not alone i ll find my way, so just keep going and you will find, that sense of hope and peace of mind. :)stay strong for those still trying to carry on:) lov a friend.xxx.

This weeks been a bit mad i have had allot to do and I've done to much and my health has suffered as a result i knew that i was doing to much but i have to finish the few tasks i have been working on for almost a year two of which are ok and done, the twins that are 19yrs have their own flats, and Eddie got into his school.And Buddy has got into his school and that was just a school form, and a letter because i changed the first choice and decided to go for the best school for his needs, but despite being out of the catchment area i got him in. So that's sorted we applied for school transport but found out two days into his first term that it has been turned down two or three phone calls later from the school and a friend that's been supporting the family i had a letter to say i could write and appeal so that is some of the paperwork I've been getting together, they are going to be in  shock when they get it and i have still got to write a letter to tie all the information together, so I've been doing that just one thing to do their now and i have got together all his med notes etc,etc,.I have also had to reclaim for D.L.A and I'm waiting for the last bit of information to go from Buds school and when they have it back hopefully we should hear something soon, i sent in all the information i could,i could not send in his school review as they had his first  yearly school review this Wednesday  bearing in mind  that he started in this September so we had to start his abilities or not as the case may be, and they are sending the D.L.A people all the information about Buddys learning difficulties, etc they have the rest I've already sent it so I'm waiting to hear back from them.We are also waiting on a disabilities grant team so that we can make some changes around our home for our son with wider steps, rails, and a shower to help with him to be refreshed as he needs help to the toilet which i do 2-3 times a night but he still wets the bed, but he will have a pad and a alarm soon to help to remind him to go as he is on meds for his conditions and he has to take sleeping tablets so he sleeps.The grant gos to a work team which sort out the work, theirs no money involved at this end it is just to help my son and i to make caring for him easier, i applied for it ages ago and it has taken 3-6 months i think to get a lovely woman to come and measure up as their are allot of people that need help and as always their are waiting lists but i hope to hear soon Dawn came in October so I'm hoping to hear in or before December or January, they are also fingers crossed, going to  split a large room into two as the boys are both finding it to hard to share a single room as i wake or give Bud meds, or bath him change his bed and get him back to sleep which can take until 3am on a bad day his brother is also being woken up and has missed days of off school but not alot to catch up on sleep.Everyone keep your fingers crossed and or prey for us.I also have started a new course which I'm hoping will help my parenting skills well it cant hurt can it this is my second week but i have to do two weeks homework ive been playing catch up all week, i have not done it yet to be honest after i got up after the course to walk my back,neck and hands hurt so much i could not hold a pencil so i have not done it yet and the pain has been bad all week i had to change my meds for my Arthritis I'm on two anti-inflamities now and pain killers 3-4 times a day as the codeine i think it was called gave my a bad headache and i felt sick all the time, well he has changed it but i still have a headache all day every day so i have to go back again i guess i have been twice this week with bad pain i also have eye drops now as some types of Arthritis affects your eyes and so do the anti-depressants I'm on so I'm doing that too.My depression has been hard too as i don't sleep much and i have been waking up alot and ive been so down I'm so glad no one could read my mind at times this week they would have been worried I'm in pain every day but i have done alot and I'm hoping having to fight for everything will work out ok i really am not sure how I'm going to keep going if i have to do another appeal I'm so tired of fighting to get things done its not all the people such as the doctors etc they are all fantastic its getting all the forms done and filled in when you are ill too I'm just so tired of fighting for everything i have had to fight my whole life and I'm so tired i sometimes just wont to give up but I'm hoping we will have done everything soon, god if you are their i miss mum and its Christmas soon if you are please send the energy i need to keep going please!