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SherrollW 
5:10am, January 17, 2009
This morning I will copy and paste only the sentence from my meditation that stands out to me the most.
Control is an illusion, especially the kind of control we've been trying to exert. In fact, controlling gives other people, events, and diseases, such as alcoholism, control over us. Whatever we try to control does have control over our life and us.
Comments
Self control therefore is the essence, concentrate only on number one and you will be envied by all of those who seek to control you, and you will become someone whom others aspire to be, you can do it Sherroll, your desire to do so continues to be highlighted in your messages. Stand up and be counted, you are worthy.
BeatinBP
That will be hard to do since I've gotten into the habit of doing so much for Ronnie that he's capable of doing for himself. I wait on him hand and foot. I'm so codependent.
SherrollW
AA teaches that I'm powerless over alcohol. So I guess the more I try not to drink, the more I allow the alcoholism to control me by consuming my thoughts. I guess I'm just supposed to go to AA meetings to replace my drinking time. The only problem with that is I'm very weary of AA after 20 years in and out. I watch Ronnie drink every day and continue to fight with myself not to drink too. It's probably just a matter of time before I'll find it necessary to drink too. That's my track record anyway for way too long. He tells me he hopes I won't do it again and I tell him I've stopped making that promise to people. It's not a matter of IF, but a matter of WHEN my brain will tell me that I can have a drink or two and it won't get out of hand this time. This is the challenge I've not been able to overcome for 20 years. Hard to understand for a non-alcoholic....that a person can keep falling for the same lie for so long.
SherrollW
What is it about drinking that attracts you to it? As a non drinker I only indulge when I have a taste for it, generally though I do not like the taste of it and therefore am able to refrain. Do you drink as a result of an unhealthy upbringing, or as a result of past peer pressure maybe?
As I have stated previously, you are a very intelligent lady so I find it difficult to believe that you have absolutely no chance of overcoming your addiction, mind you it does not help if your loved one drinks around you, but I guess that is an additional challenge for you to overcome, maybe it is the ultimate test required for you to beat your addiction. I still have the utmost faith in you though, and in my experience in life just the one supporter is enough to get you over the line.
Don't allow it to beat you Sherroll it has no life and therefore has no power over you other than that which you allow it to have. The ball is squarely in your court and has been for as long as you have had the problem.
BeatinBP
I've been MIA from DS for a while, but Im glad to see that you are back and it seems like you are doing well.
erinzm