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Trying2BeBetter 
9:42pm, July 2, 2008
This morning we slept in, and then my husband announced to me and the kids that "we are going to IHOP in 20 minutes." He knows that I shower in the mornings, and that I cannot be ready in 20 minutes. Had we planned this, I could have planned to be ready. But it was impromptu. IHOP is close by our home, so I asked if he could bring it home so we could eat together, since I couldn't be ready in as little time as he wanted to leave in. He said no because it won't be as hot. I can understand this, but it still leaves me out. I finally just said 'go without me' and he took the kids to IHOP without me. I didn't really want to go, it was just that I want our family to stick together and not leave anyone behind. I don't want to teach my kids that. I would never do that.
Then this afternoon we were supposed to go to my mom and step-dad's house since our 4th was rained out during the day yesterday (they postponed to today). But, I didn't want to go. I told them all to go without me. I have cramps and I have to get ready for work tomorrow. I mopped and folded laundry, took out trash and now I have to clean up the kitchen. It's nice being alone. They are having a cookout over there, and then they are going to light fireworks because they are not in the city.
I feel so overwhelmed. I always have "something to do". I always have to work. For instance, I had to mop, do laundry and I have a trip to WalMart for food looming over my head. I still don't know what I want to serve for lunch tomorrow at daycare. I'll figure it out. I have food... I just have to make a plan.
Well, I better get back to it. I want to steam some blouses with my handheld steamer. (I wish I had one of those washers or dryers that steam for you!) Second thought, maybe I'll Dryel. I have some of those sheets, and it's much easier! I haven't done that in a long time.
I guess the main reason I journaled today is to vent about how my husband treats me. How he's so willing to just leave me out. I think he enjoys punishing me because I can't be ready in 20 minutes. I take an hour, including shower. I'm a girly-girl and I like to fix my hair and put on some makeup. I hate IHOP anyway. I used to like it, but the last time I had their garden crepes, they were gross. I have chosen to stay married with my husband for now. I think it would hurt our kids more to break us up than to stay together and stick it out. I know it's hard to understand that, but it's true. The pain I go through would be transferred to them - in new pains. I was there as a child myself. And I wanted to die.
Thanks for listening.
OH my grandpa is in the hospital. At first it looked bad, but now he seems stable. He wants to die. He is so weak and can't do anything -and he's a doer - loves to do lots of things and hates wasting away. Please pray for him, if you can. I am praying that he doesn't suffer, and that God's will is done in his life, and that he'll go to Heaven when he dies.
Comments
I am praying for him. I pray that he is at peace, and that God doesn't allow him to suffer or linger. My father and mother both went through that so recently....I believe it's sad to lose self reliance, and to be at everyone's mercy, even if they love you dearly. I understand.
I also understand the marriage thing. We feel so responsible for our children, and we want to make their world so perfect. It's a sacrifice we gladly make, and it's a dance to not allow them to ever know we are making a sacrifice, ya know it's true...."sometimes it's hard to be a woman...." remember that song?
Your grandfather and YOU are in my prayers.
hiareth12
Oh thank you, Hiareth!
Hey - I ordered Chinese food tonight. (They got my order wrong, oh well) Anyway, I was just cleaning up the kitchen and decided to read the fortune cookies. The first one said, "Trust him, but keep your eyes open." I pondered about how that meant 'trust him but don't trust him'. I went on to the second fortune cookie and it said, "Trust him, but keep your eyes open."
... Do you think God would use fortune cookies to deliver messages???? It is hard to trust him. He even took money out of our account and opened another account without me. Of course, I asked him to put my name on it, and we went down to the bank and did it. But it is hard to trust him.
... keep my eyes open?
Trying2BeBetter
I called for an update on my grandpa and they gave him steroids for pneumonia, which give him terrible hallucinations. Last time this happened, they had to strap him into bed. :o( I hope that doesn't happen this time.
Trying2BeBetter
Maybe you need to compromise sometimes and just tie your hair back and go. Spur of the moment unplanned stuff can be real fun. Sometimes we all have to adjust to the moment. Praying for your Grandfather, hope he get well soon. Love and hugs Cathy
RockstarsMom
I'm gonna go with "Trust Him and keep your eyes open."
Fortune cookies don't always use the best grammar. If your husband is playing around with money behind your back and his first inclination is to exclude you from the account, he bears close watching. Do what you can to protect yourself and your kids. I think you'll know when the time comes if it's best to leave him. Just pay attention to credit card statements, bank statements, stuff like that since that really can make a difference in the options available to you. And please be careful.
guypaul
I'm with Guy, that move would have hurt my feelings. And I would be thinking, "why?". Fortune cookies are like horoscopes....they can be so exactly "us" without being really specific about anything, they are vague enough to read anything into, but this must be on your mind, you already don't trust, that's why you hit on the correlation. That, and God works in mysterious ways....so why not a fortune cookie?
I pray your grandpa goes peacefully. I still pray for that. I know it's a fine line, but after watching my parents suffer, even tho we had a DNR on them, we still keep our senior citizens alive, but with everything failing. There is mercy too. I pray for the best outcome for him and you and for comfort for him to not be scared and suffering.
hiareth12