Trying2BeBetter's Journal

Hello DS Friends,

As far as the daycare, I decided to take on three summer children ages 3, 6 and 7.  This has offset the cost of hiring (dun-dun dun duuuuuuun) an assistant!  Actually, two.  I have one that works two days a week, and another that works three.  This is again, just for the summer.

See, my idea is that we can get more projects and invidual attention and trips to the park, etc. if I have an assistant.  The assistants' hours are 8-2.  So, it was perfect for students.  I have two students - and I love them both!  One is my step-cousin who just might be an angel in disguise, and the other is one that I found on Craigslist (and I was so wary!) and she's fabulous and very sweet. 

So far, it's working as planned - we are getting more enriching days in for the kids.  We are working on improving the six-year-old's reading ability.  We are working on engaging Wyatt (a former Russian orphan) so that he'll acknowledge others around him.  And for all the children 3 and up, I bought "Summer Bridge Books" from Lakeshore Learning that each pertain to their ages.  These books are to bridge the two school years, and keep up what they've learned in school.  (Three is young, but he'll do what he can in the pre-k book.  He's a sharp 3 year old)  We have two circle times - one for the big kids, and another for the toddlers.  Every child is read to every single day.  Now we are able to get more art, more of everything in, and best of all, the children don't have to wait for me as much - to change diapers, to prepare snacks and meals, to clean up.  We have someone there for them to respond to their needs and see that they are engaged in productive play, etc. 

I like the assistant situation so much that I am thinking of taking on some year-round children to keep an assistant on all the time.  It's so much better.  Legally, I can run things alone.  So, if I happen to find myself in-between assistants, I will not risk losing my license.  I like it this way.  I don't know that I want to go 'bigger' to where I'd require an assistant at all times.

As far as my marriage - well things really aren't better.  Things are a bit worse or the same.  He is still up to his usual self-absorbed righteousness and abusing me with it.  I am still contemplating leaving him, but I have to figure out how to do this without losing our home.  I say the following without knowing much about divorce - but perhaps since we have such low equity in our home, MAYBE I could find a way to buy him out of his half of the house and then refinance as the sole owner.  This would take a lot of work on my part.  I have an idea for money.  Actually two.  I want to plan it right... so that I don't make my children miserable in the process.  If we could stay in this home we've made, I think the transition would be more tolerable for them.  You see, as of right now, they think Dad is a great guy.  So, as long as I can maintain harmony while I make my plans.... just maybe, just maybe I could plan it so we can stay here in the house.  I'd have to talk to a lawyer first so I don't get on the wrong track.

I have missed DS.  When I came back and saw my friends' words of encouragement and support, it warmed my heart and made me feel better after a day of walking around with hate inside of me.  I am going to rebuke the hate and turn my energy toward positive thoughts and positive solutions.

I am going to try to log on here more so I can be of support to my friends - and give back - and know what's going on with you all.  I just can't thank you all enough for being my DS friends.

Chris