lately.
July 6, 2009 2:10am
i was doing so well. i was happy and laughing... i was back to being me. but im getting depressed again. im fighting with my friends and parents. and …
Goal Completed on Apr 2, 08
leahbee 
2:20pm, September 23, 2009
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About Me
leahbee
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About Me
idk... im me. low self-esteem, bad soccer player, complulsive liar (which is REALLY bad, i know. but i try to be as truthful as i can on DS) i have a twin sister, who i couldnt live without. even tho we fight CONSTANTLY and people think we hate each other. at school im in more of the "normal/nerdy" crowd. but i guess i dont really fit in with them. they would never in their lives think about smoking or drinking or suicide... but i do. my parents are divorced (but so are pretty much everyone elses parents too) and it was really messy and an angry ordeal. (hence the cutting) lifes a bitch -_-
idk... im me. low self-esteem, bad soccer player, complulsive liar (which is REALLY bad, i know. but i try to be as truthful as i can on DS) i have a twin sister, who i couldnt live without. even tho we fight CONSTANTLY and people think we hate each other. at school im in more of the "normal/nerdy" crowd. but i guess i dont really fit in with them. they would never in their lives think about smoking or drinking or suicide... but i do. my parents are divorced (but so are pretty much everyone elses
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Interests
music, music, and music!! i also love art, horses, motorcycles, my friends, guys (:P) etc... making friends is awesome too. so add me if you dont think im TOO crazy. lol
music, music, and music!! i also love art, horses, motorcycles, my friends, guys (:P) etc... making friends
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Journal
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Journal Entry for June 13, 2008
June 13, 2008 1:42am
Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, And never regret anything that made you smile.
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i fail.
April 20, 2008 1:04am
well a couple of days ago, my 5 1/2 months of no cutting was completly destroyed. i was really stressed, told myself, wat the f_ck grabed my …
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Goals
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Support Groups
Close Depression
i havent seen a doctor or anything. i dont know what my parents would do and even if they could afford counsiling. but im constantly sad and feeling hopeless. i cant talk to anyone about it so i deal with it by myself... which isnt always helpful
Treatments
- Meditation Working / Worked
- not so much meditation. more yoga and stuff like that, which has meditation in it. so everything together works really well.
- Writing Somewhat Helpful
- i write anything. everything. it can be poetry or random thoughts. just the act of writing seems to make me feel calmer... a little less likely to jump off of a building.
Close Self-Injury
i started cutting at age.. i think 9 or 10. it wasnt bad or anything. by 8th grade tho it turned out to be a life threatening addiction. my mom saw my wrist, barely did anything about it (she told me to stop... then left me to myself) and i told a friend. she said she couldnt help me (that was a shocker, we havent talked about it sense). i quit finally. been cut free for almost 2 years now. im not gona lie, it gets harder everyday... =(
Treatments
- Red Marker Not Working
- Rubber Bands Working / Worked
- i only use rubberbands when i cant get ahold of somthing sharp enough...
- Squeezing Ice Not Working
Open High School Stress
im a junior already. god, all of this has flown by sooo fast. and no matter how badly i want to leave chisago lakes... theres a part of me that is as scared as hell to grow up.
Open Depression - Teen
i became severly depressed (though i havent been diagnosed) after my parents divorce when i was ten. then my brother became a drug addict and my grandma past away. within four years i began cutting and snapping and after a nearly fatal year, finally stopped (i still snap tho, you cant expect me to go cold turkey!). i cant tell my friends because they... i just cant, and same with my parents. they couldnt afford therapy anyway... so yeah.
Treatments
- Music Working / Worked
- music is amazing. it will always help if you can find the right song.
- Pets Somewhat Helpful
- i have horses and a dog and cats. they help, even if you just sit there and chill with them.
- Writing Working / Worked
- diarys, poetry, lyrics, etc. it doesnt matter, as long as i get to write. its a miracle, how well it relaxes me.
Open Family Issues
if its not my mom and dad (divorced), then its my brother. if its not any of them, then its my sister. constantly fighting and screaming and doing illegal shit. i try to be the good one... it doesnt work out so well.
Treatments
Open Families & Friends Of Addicts
my dad drinks a lot. idk if hes an alcoholic, but i know it runs in the family. so im not sure. my brother also dropped out of school after getting hooked on weed. after my stupid SI addiction... im scared that im taking the same path.
Treatments
- Patience Not Working
Open Family & Friends of Cancer Patients
my grandma had 3 different types of cancer... in the end they all killed her. lung, breast, and lukimia...
Open Twins, Triplets & More
im a ferternal (mind my spelling) twin... so yea...
Open Insomnia
me = no sleep, like ever. it completly sux...
Treatments
- Counting Sheep Not Working
- never has probably never will.
- Yoga Working / Worked
- it just stretches you out and relaxes you. it doesnt really help me get to sleep any faster but i have noticed that it has actually helped me sleep better and for longer. which is nice.
Open Personality Disorders
i dont kno if i really have a pd. but i do kno that im a compulsive liar and thats its controling my life. DS is probably the only place im even halfways truthful... im just terrified of what people will think of the real me. i also have OCD and it really shows when im stressed out.
Open Children Of Divorced Parents
its a long story. i havnt the time right now. ill write as soon as i do
Open Families & Friends of Gays & Lesbians
i have a few friends that are gay and then a bisexual friend (which i know doesnt fit into the gay OR lesbian thing but shes having a tough time so i thought i could maybe help?)
Open Prescription Drug Abuse
im fifteen! i shouldnt be doing this :( but i am, and im smart enought to know that i need help. i started this during a huge fight with my dad...and its just escalated.
Open Loneliness
the group is "loneliness" a lil self explanatory... anyways. yeah, i constantly feel like no one likes me or understands me. i just really want to meet someone who just understands....
Treatments
- Humex Not Working
