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noturaverage 
4:46am, October 24, 2008
My head is filled with so much, that it can't think straight.
I read a post on this site today, and wanted to comment, but it wouldn't have been positive, so I didn't.
That stirred me up for most of the day. I am also beating myself up about wtf I'm ment to be.Yeah, I am human, but I have no fricken idea if I'm gay or bi.
Then I have to dicuss my inner feelings with my fiancee who is abroad, but how can I when even I dont know?????????????
So right now I feel like I am on a merry go round, and doing just that, going around and around. from thoughts of my past rape/s and abuse, to me being gay.WTFFFFFFFF.
I hate this way of feeling, as my mood right now, is something I have not experienced.
I ask myself, what's wrong with you woman!
Are you completely crazy going gay or what?
and then I think,ok, I'm this way because of my past......................
I wish the past wasn't there and would fuck off, or never happened.
Comments
Hey, how are you going, just read ur journal and if you ever want to chat n im online talk to me, i ve learnt better out than kept in. i was like that, things would just go round and round inmy head that i couldnt handle it and that i wanted it to do, is just fuk off out of my head. Plz really take care :)
Tyges
Bummer. You have so much going on in your head! Whatever your sexuality, you're still an amazing person. It's no wonder you feel crazy, having gone through what you have. I hope it helps to rant. We're here to listen.
Juice