Hi my name is Tish and I am a 36 …
Hi my name is Tish and I am a 36 year old married to my high school sweetheart and have two beautiful little girls. I …
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CrzyPurpleChic 
11:06am, November 17, 2009
Two days since I last wrote... Not much has changed... I've calmed down a little bit and am not feeling so anxioius upset and suicidal. I still have my plan though (suicide plan that is) I just don't know if I'm going to go through with it or not. All I know is that I want to get out of here, this place I'm staying is really nice but it's not reality. I want to be home in my apatment dealing with life... So I think, reguardless of how I'm feeling, I'm going to discharge on monday and go back to the apartment. If I cut, I cut no big deal... I have to get through this... I know it's not right to deal with this by trying to kill myslef or to cut... but I don't know what else to do. I'm sick of life, I'm ready to check out!
Went to my moms yesterday, spent the night with her... My uncle from florida was in town and I got to hang out with him for a bit. It was nice to see the fam, and I got a little drunk, it was nice! The headache this morning wasn't, but I got through it. Good thing I wasn't buying the drinks! My nephews birthday party is tomorrow! He's two, he's so adorable! It will be yet another time with the family, good times, good times!
Thats about it for me...
Much love and hugs to all...
UPDATED GOALS
no more hospital for 6 mo
Progress 0%
days out of hospital (days)
10
Encouragements: 0
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oh, by the way my birthday is monday! yea!
CrzyPurpleChic
this entry makes me sad....i know life is tough...but please keep hanging in there...
I know you probably feel like a burden, a waste, and you're just in so much pain you don't know what else to do...but please keep hanging in there. If you weren't here, so many people would be affected, and I don't mean in a healthy positive way....I know I, for one, would be devastated. So I can't even imagine how those who know you in person would feel...like your nieces and nephews. If you ended up killing yourself I can guarantee you that would impact them for life....and they might possibly decide that if that was the way out for you, maybe when things get tough for them they'll think well Auntie Rachael did this so I can do. Maybe instead of thinking about ending things you can try to make a new bday resolution of sorts....what can you do, that is positive to make this next year better. Start creating happier memories so that your bday milestone isn't a reminder of how hard things are. I know it's tough, and I'm sorry if this sounds harsh or like a lecture, but I care about you too much to not say what's on my mind when I read this. Hang in there hun and find something healthy to treat yourself with on your birthday...regardless of where you are staying at the time. ***HUGS*** Take care and blessings.
Ellocin