Join Now
MermaidSinger 
12:36am, October 4, 2009
Hello everyone! Hope you're doing well!
You know what I've noticed? A lot of the time, my smiley is always yellow. Numb. I just stay in that altered state. I don't even know anymore.
This journal is gonna be really weird, just warning you all. I'm seriously out of it.
My throat is KILLING me. I have a physical tomorrow. In a way I don't want the doctor to notice anything is wrong with in side of me, but I do want her to because then I will have a fighting chance to save me. I won't feel like shit.
But I don't look sick. When I was anroexic and udnerweight and emaciated I didn't even fucking WANT help but I got it. Now I'm bulimic and normal weight and I DO want help, but can't get it. I will never. I am death walking. I hang over the toilet EVERY DAY without fail. I self injure more nad more. I want to die. My mom told me Aleve hurts your kidneys sometimes even if you take only one and it gave me ideas.
I am so done. If the doctor doesnt say anything tomrrow about my throat or knuckles or something I don't kno0w what I will do. Maybe this isnt even affecting my body and I'm just a cry baby. I am so fat yo should see me. It's gross I'm like a blimmp excpet I can't fly because I'm too fat to leave teh ground.
I miss D. =(
I don't know what to do.
UPDATED GOALS
beat the shit out of ED.
Progress 0%
Encouragements: 1
Add your support
Remain cut-free
Progress 0%
Encouragements: 3
Add your support
Comments
Please don't give up! Learn from your mistakes and soldier on. I would give my eye teeth to be your age again and have my whole life out in front of me to be and do whatever I wanted. Listen to an old lady and learn.
Let that Doctor help you. And then get busy making your dreams come true!
beiceth
Please tell the Dr what's going on Meg...I love you so much and want to see you get well...my offer to talk to your mother stands. let me know if I can do anything for you.
ChefJess
u want help? then dont wait for ur dr to "maybe notice" ...TELL HIM OR HER!!! tell them that ur puking ur guts out, ur in pain, ur afraid of dying at the hands of an eating disorder! tell THEM!!! they arent mind readers!!! SPEAK UP!!!! or possibly end up resting in peace.....
missyS
yes, tell the doctor.. its hard, but you can do it.. you deserve help, so that you can live your life.. it is worth it and you are worth it.
DancerJ
Honey, you need to tell your doctor. Seriously. You need to save your own life.
GiselleSylphide
my 2 cents are being sent PM sweets
intheblues