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MermaidSinger 
12:36am, October 4, 2009
Hello everyone! I'm kind of forcing myself to journal right now. I'm not really in the mood to divulge anything, but I know I need to get some of these thoughts out.
Two days ago there was an incident. My little brother likes to change my away message to things he thinks will embarass me. He made it say something about my ribs sticking out. Then D changed her away message to say "Stop trying to make people feel sorry for you. Shut the fuck up." I got really freaked out. What would people think?! They thought I had made that my away message! And now D was responding to it via her away message! But then I was like, you know what? FUCK this. I made my away message say really?hahahaha to try to make it seem like I didn't care. She then switched hers to say "You are the most annoying person I've ever met. I could care less about you." She knew that would get me where it hurt. But I didn't contact her, which was what she wanted, I think. I just changed my away to a smiley. And then it ended. But it really upset me.
I kinda freaked out. I ate half a tub of ice cream and then purged majorly. And then I did soemthing I'm really ashamed of. I used nail clippers and pliers to pick apart my ankle. There was blood everywhere. I'm so mad with myself! Why did I let her get to me like that?! Outwardly I made her think I didn't care, but I really do.
I haven't been feeling great lately. My head always hurts and my knuckle is bruised up pretty bad from sticking it down my throat. I feel constantly tired and FAT. I hope I have a heart attack in my sleep and then when I'm dead they can donate my blubber to skinny people who need it.
Comments
Sorry you went through some self-harm stuff.. and your self-esteem is so low right now. I do hope you have a therapist you can work with for your eating disorder and self-harm behaviors.
PS get a password set up so your bro can't mess with your accounts. HUGS
mianutzy
Delete this girl, this trigger, from ur msn and anywhere else you may have her. Live your life for you, be healthy. Do you really need so called "friends" like that?
SarahLynn
I'm ready, I wanna go kick her ass! She isn't a "friend", she isn't even an "acquaintance", delete her ass from all your contact lists. All of them. You DO NOT need any of that crap. For why? To feel an ounce of the mental, emotional and then self induced physical harm? No, no, no, you are so much better than that. People like that have their own "issues" and unfortuately it's at the cost of other's well being, YOURS! PLEASE DO NOT say you wish you would die of a heart attack in your sleep. Take a step back and look around, look at all of us who LOVE YOU!!!! Treat you well. Treat you the way you DESERVE to be treated!!!! I'm giving you a super duper big hug through the computer!!!
intheblues
This girl SUCKS...get rid of her...you want to purge something? Purge this bitch from your life. YOU DESER
ChefJess
aahhh I got cut off..... YOU DESERVE LOVE, APPRECIATION AND FRIENDSHIP....D can piss off. Don't punish you for her being a hateful bitch.
warm hugs.
ChefJess
well take heed in the fact that she doesnt think about her words...her saying she COULD care less about u means that she does care and there is a possibility that one could care less about u...she SHOULD have said i COULDNT care less about u.....
but all that aside...ignore her...she is a bitch who has nothing better to do than to sit around reading others away messages online...what a loser!
as for the ankle...ow! y cause urself more pain? life is tough...dont make it tougher!
missyS
D is a real trigger to u ignore her i say!
Soph827
AWW Hon! You do NOT deserve to be treated like that! Show the rotten ppl the DOOR!
beiceth
Oh honey. I wish I could take this all away from you.
GiselleSylphide