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Amalfie 
4:51am, August 8, 2008
Still cant locate the Bugles snacks... did they stop making them? Anyhow, in 2 days first month anniversary of step-son's death. We are doing ok. I am changing jobs next week. i still haven't made the commitment to go back to healthful eating habits... and i am struggling with that. why wont i make the "right" choice for myself? why do i procrastinate about something that is vital; my health/life?? i dont "get" it... it makes no sene rationally. so it must make sense UN-rationally somewhere, right? Stands to reason... I guess i should uncover ther easons why staying in this downward spiral is so preferable to changing and feeling good and being strong. Sigh. well, thanks so much to all of you who keep sending hugs and encourageing words. very much appreciated and I am grateful.
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It's MAY, middle of MAY already... can't believe time flies by so fast. So many health issues this year. Sometiesm I am overwhelmed by the amount of "work" I have to do to get healthy again. Some days, it's not worth it and I just prefer to stay under the covers and not face the world from my dysfunctional body. And then, I get the "Boppers" --when i get a Bop on the head from my guardian angel (?) who reminds me of all the things I have to be thankful for. Because even though my issues get me down, I know I am not the only one facing challenges. Maybe life is just like that - few years of never ending truama and stres, and maybe a reprieve is around the corner. All I know is, so far, I have learned 2 things. 1: Nothing is easy. 2: Accept the good when it comes.
Amalfie