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alimac2009 
1:05am, November 19, 2009
Ok so I was a member on here for a while because my cousin, and best friend molested me for almost eight years. But here's the thing, have you ever felt an awful deja vu? Like you know youv done this or been in this situation before? Well I can usually tell where this deja vu came from, mostly in my dreams. Well this isnt really deja vu as much as its more painful than it should be. I was in my college psych class before and I asked if someone could be hypnotized to see if they'v ever been sexually assaulted and they repressed it so bad that they dont remember. I dont know why I asked I just had to know. Well, I have been a nymphomaniac for a very long time now, someone close to me said that it was a mental condition. Plus I was watching porn with my significant other and came across one with a really little girl in it. It was a pop up or something, trust me we werent searching for it. Well as soon as I saw that I got all these feelings like I know the feeling, I was scared to death and sad. I bursted into tears and I couldnt stop, I had this awful pain in my heart like I was being raped. I dont know if Im crazy or if maybe its a repressed memory trying to say its time to release. I dont know what to think about this I just know that it scared me so badly, it was almost traumatic just to see that glimpse of a clip. If anyone has any ideas how to deal with this or what you think it is please let me know....
Posted on 09/15/09, 06:09 pm
Well last night I was going down on him while he was watching porn. Something Im usually fine with, but then I heard something that reminded me of that feeling again and I burst into tears once again and really really bad this time. I couldnt even breathe. He stopped and held me for a little bit trying to calm me down and was asking me what the problem was. I couldnt remember why I felt so bad and I didnt know why the whole thing was such a big deal for me. I cant help him understand if I dont even know whats going on.
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1. Don't watch porn again for a while.
2. Don't be in the room with your sign. other when he is. At least for now.
3. Going for counseling is a great idea. You're just too fragile right now to watch that or hear that kind of stuff when you're feeling like this.
It could be a repressed memory. It could also be like severe sympathy for the little girl. I know I'd feel that way. Plus, you and I have been sexually abused so we're more prone to understand what she may have been feeling even if we haven't gone through that particular incident. So, talk to your counselor. See if you can meditate until then so that your mind will be open and calm when you do see the counselor. Good luck hun.
LilyMaid