Journal Entry for October 26, 2009
October 26, 2009 2:38pm
Got these off a friends journal. Thanks Vonnie.
Today, I let my light shine. I express my unique creativity and am successful …
rainyangel
2:27am Thursday
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About Me
rainyangel
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About Me
In my 30's, a pretty down-to earth and honest person who really needs to get a life and stop walking down paths of destruction. I've wasted away so many years and want a new start sober, a new beginning towards health, peace, love, and joy. To really live for once and to be the mom and person I should've been.
In my 30's, a pretty down-to earth and honest person who really needs to get a life and stop walking down paths of destruction. I've wasted away so many years and want a new start sober, a new beginning towards health, peace, love, and joy. To really live for once and to be the mom and person I should've been.
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Interests
Art, poetry, nature, animals, reading/writing, blues music, cultural stuff, new age, scary/suspense/unexplained mysteries, psychology, spirituality, criminology, and goofing around with my son.
Art, poetry, nature, animals, reading/writing, blues music, cultural stuff, new age, scary/suspense/unexplained
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Journal
This entry is private
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This entry is private
This entry is private
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Journal Entry for October 20, 2009
October 20, 2009 7:13am
From a friend....thank you
Prayer of Trust Trust him when dark doubts assail thee Trust him when your strength is …
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Hugbook
Hug
Tell me about your paints and colors.
Hug
Hug
Sorry I wasn't on when you needed someone....but you can always message me!
I’m With You
hi , i just what to say , i stop drinking at 40 and have 6 years , and my life has never been better than it is now , i wasted alot of years , i thinks some times. BUT ! remember it takes what ever it takes to get us here. so we really did not wast anything ,
Hug
Thanks for your lovely mail.....Also so great to hear about your increasing self care..and positivity....It really helped me appreciate my own! Having left the ex nehind also..and also learning to love myself more..I totally relate...BIG hugs! x
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Photos
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Goals
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Support Groups
Close Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) Depressionfirst became depressed at age 15, was the worst back then, several suicide attempts age 19, got into alot more drinking/drugging to medicate myself. Have dealt with it all my life so far. Never have really gotten any real help, got on antidepressant Effexor a few yrs back, it does help but I've drank on them alot. I don't really know life without a struggle. I'm tired of it.
Treatments
- Effexor Working / Worked
- Has helped but need to stay away from the alcohol.
- Positive Thinking Working / Worked
- Psychotherapy Too Soon to Tell
- Just started one on one counceling two weeks ago. feb. '08
- Support from Friends & Family Somewhat Helpful
- It does help when you have friends but I've isolated myself alot over the years. Haven't had family there really, been pretty much alone in everything. Would like that changed.
- Writing Working / Worked
Close Alcoholism
First got drunk at age 13, but didn't really start until 19. Have been drinking since. Am definitely an alcoholic. Usually I get drunk every couple days. Has badly affected every aspect of my life. I've done and been through so many stupid and bad things while drunk. Many blackouts. Hangovers so bad. It's gotta end or I will die or go insane or end up in prison. I've had enough of this shit!
Treatments
- 12 Step Program Working / Worked
- working on the steps
- AA Meetings Working / Worked
- They are very helpful. I'd say the most help I've gotten. It was hard to start going and keep going but it got easier. I still start and stop alot. I want to go regularly.
- Cold Turkey Somewhat Helpful
- Detox Working / Worked
- put myself in hospital five times in past two years, for detox/depression. couldn't handle the hangovers.
- Outpatient Treatment Program Somewhat Helpful
- I needed inpatient so didn't help much until after I had inpatient, then somewhat helpful.
- Residential Treatment Center Somewhat Helpful
- Went twice the past two years, but it wasn't long enough. Only 3 weeks and then sent home to fall apart. Needed alot more.
- Willpower Not Working
- willpower smillpower.
Open Physical & Emotional Abuse
Had my share of it all. The worst was with my mom and her jerk boyfriend. Years of emotional/verbal abuse after my dad left her for another woman when I was 15. I also had a couple abusive boyfriends. One has been on and off for the past few years. Still trying to let go of him for good.
Treatments
- Forgiveness Working / Worked
- I feel it helps to let go of the pain and hurt and forgive myself and him. To just take away what I've learned out of it all. I do and then I don't. I leave and then I get reeled back in. I don't know yet. I'll keep trying.
- Leave Working / Worked
- It's been hard to leave for good. To let go. I'm still struggling with it.
- Talking Working / Worked
- talk to a therapist and a couple friends and on here. It helps to gain perspective and to feel like others understand
Open Sexual Abuse
Remembered at age 30 that father molested me under age 6. Plus had some other experiences throughout life with different people. Also been raped a couple times in the past five years.
Open Personality Disorders
recently diagnosed with borderline personality disorder
Open Single Parenting
Single mother of a teen I've raised alone with help of grandmother. Father never in the picture.
Open Gambling Addiction & Recovery
gambled a whole helluva lot of needed money this past year, have a problem
