deleigh's Journal

I remember hard times...

But I do remember one year, I had a "job" before Christmas.   I made maybe 5 dollars. It was around Christmas time.  I was maybe 13.  Around the holidays, we had mixed nuts...don't we all? lol

Well anyways...we had a broken nut cracker, sure it worked, but it didn't work well, I noticed my mom was irritated with it.  So I bought her a new one and wrapped it up for Christmas...

Well I was just waiting for her to open it up on Christmas!!!!!!!:)

To be surprised! ")

Well she opened it up, and said...we already have a nut cracker.

I felt dead.  And I remember, even younger, only maybe around 8, I seen a manger with all the wisemen and baby Jesus...I had a little money and bought her the heavenly angel and bought my dad one of the wisemen.  She said to me, when she opend it up...can't really remember but she showed dissapointment. 

And the job i got....to pay for this...was in the cold, had to walk for blocks, frozen to death!

I know she was sick mentally...Just as I am...But one thing I never did to my kids was to make them feel like any gift given to me, was nothing.

And now I am rambling...and yes I am drinking!

And if my drinking bothers you, don't read my journals and don['t chat me again.

I can do without anyone judging me....hell the way I feel right now....I don't need "FREINDS" LIKE YOU!

DEB

And i could be ok, my mom in her last days had said I am sorry for the things she did...but I guess in her last days, she never realised how she had been.

So glad I have told my kids sorry for being such a fuck up, all their life.